Someone

I've been having strangely mystical things happening to me in the past months. Not long ago I spoke with someone about my deep feeling of the presence of a holy spirit when I was a child. As an adult it has changed into a different presence, one that simply feels like another person is in the room. But recently, I will be overcome with feelings of euphoria, almost a glimpse into enlightenment. I have a new power in myself that can communicate deeper, feel more compassion and understanding for every living thing. I've forgiven and recovered. Maybe I feel more spirits around me, or the spirit that's been there all along is in everything.
"When I look at the stars I see someone else.. I see someone."
Tonight, for the first time in my life, I felt a star smile back at me. There is no way to describe the joy I feel.

The Man

Twenty years,
We'd been married for twenty years,
and it was finally time for him to open up.
He sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and opened his mouth.
Clear, precise, proficient in his speech, in his tone, and in the language of his body.
His body, which I know like my own. One I'd known for half of this life. His body.
Words like a simple tune I've heard before.. but can't recall the end.
In fact, I never knew how it would end with him, either.
Twenty years, and he told me he didn't love me.
That he was meant to be alone,
Twenty years ago.

Two Lines

I dreamed you were in me,
Growing,
Like I have longed for so long.
I could feel a change in my body,
Swelling,
With pride and blood and life.
The feeling came to only me,
And the rest of the world kept on.
I had to make sure it was real,
Testing,
To see if you finally came to me.
Waiting to see the lines I'd felt,
Black,
All my eyes saw was darkness.
It was not one line, or two,
Black,
And I knew it wasn't a mistake.

I was bearing darkness in my womb.

Dive Deep

In all my years wading in water,
I never learned to dive right in.
Fears of falling head-on to the unknown,
Would I get hurt or lose myself?
I held back and stayed safe.
So I'd step in slowly, meticulously,
Not to lose my footing or my faith.
Call me careful, call me boring,
I always stayed safe in my own arms.

After two decades of wading,
I grew into a woman, and had to learn
That sometimes you get pushed in,
Whether you want to or not.
You'll never know when or how,
but it'll hit you from behind, and you'll fall.
And at that moment, you learn to survive.
And you are forced to dive in,
You've got to do everything you can,
To calm yourself, and fall, and dive.

Diving still isn't any fun for me.
But I was pushed, one time.
And now I know how to dive.

Grow

It's been one year, and look where I am today.

Meticulous Markings

On this day, in one year, I will be something very different. Maybe not what you'd have expected, but I'll be it nonetheless. I'm going north, whether you wish it of me or not. Stacks of chords rest in front of me, filled with inspiration in future tense. I am not thrown off by fear or pain.. no, I am more confidant than ever before. And just you wait and see what is in store!

Three

The tension in your voice. The strained, high pitch of your "I love you" and "I miss you" always left me in question. It was something I never understood before, that sound in your voice. But tonight, I heard it again. "And I'll see you soon, hopefully sooner than you think." To be honest, I never saw you again. I only see the shell of who you once were. And I finally interpreted that tension, tonight I finally did.
You were lying.

You knew I needed you
And yet you kept your distance
I told that story of us today
The one I never tell anyone
And I was reminded
Of just how much I hate you
For abandoning me when I needed you most.