The Man

Twenty years,
We'd been married for twenty years,
and it was finally time for him to open up.
He sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and opened his mouth.
Clear, precise, proficient in his speech, in his tone, and in the language of his body.
His body, which I know like my own. One I'd known for half of this life. His body.
Words like a simple tune I've heard before.. but can't recall the end.
In fact, I never knew how it would end with him, either.
Twenty years, and he told me he didn't love me.
That he was meant to be alone,
Twenty years ago.

Two Lines

I dreamed you were in me,
Growing,
Like I have longed for so long.
I could feel a change in my body,
Swelling,
With pride and blood and life.
The feeling came to only me,
And the rest of the world kept on.
I had to make sure it was real,
Testing,
To see if you finally came to me.
Waiting to see the lines I'd felt,
Black,
All my eyes saw was darkness.
It was not one line, or two,
Black,
And I knew it wasn't a mistake.

I was bearing darkness in my womb.

Dive Deep

In all my years wading in water,
I never learned to dive right in.
Fears of falling head-on to the unknown,
Would I get hurt or lose myself?
I held back and stayed safe.
So I'd step in slowly, meticulously,
Not to lose my footing or my faith.
Call me careful, call me boring,
I always stayed safe in my own arms.

After two decades of wading,
I grew into a woman, and had to learn
That sometimes you get pushed in,
Whether you want to or not.
You'll never know when or how,
but it'll hit you from behind, and you'll fall.
And at that moment, you learn to survive.
And you are forced to dive in,
You've got to do everything you can,
To calm yourself, and fall, and dive.

Diving still isn't any fun for me.
But I was pushed, one time.
And now I know how to dive.

Blossoms

Greeted with a smile,
We exchange hello's and I receive.
Close the door into my safe zone
And I sat down, alone, and wondering.
My fingers grazed the box in front of me,
Wandering every corner before opening it.
The room was dark, as was my heart
The mail was foreign, difficult to open.
I would be lying if I wasn't honest,
Did I even want this love?
My hands opened my gift, and out of nowhere..

The ceiling opened up
Revealing the bright blue sky
Cloudless, with blossoms raining
I was amazed to see such a wonder
But I wasn't shaken.. I was home
I looked down to look at the mail
Which opened itself
Like a chick leaving its shell
And colors came forth
Blue, red, yellow, childlike hues
Inflated in front of my eyes
And balloons grew out of the box
I watched as they released from their space,
And descended into the sky
They let go
As did I that day

His Wings

Through the years, I watched as he grew like trees, though swaying in the wind, ever stronger. I think he feared me, for some unknown reason. Was it that I showed him new life when other were still wrapped up in the past? One time, moons before now, he held my hand, and it did feel like home. I look back with positive thoughts.. my intentions were good, and for once someone saw it.
We danced today. Through lush fields of green that would surely fade to camel in the coming weeks. He was a free bird, yet he never stayed far away. I watched him in his open state, he is grounded and graceful. I saw his heart open to the sky when he lifted his arms, his wings. Looking upwards as the summer rains fell, the moon man released all the love within. He caught raindrops on his tongue, spinning in circles with arms outstretched. As I wept with joy, I knew what was next.. he was free to go back to the universe.

The Canopy

I wandered.
Through valleys, at first.

But I chose to face West, and I headed towards the woods. To the omnipotent redwoods, where green vines wrap closely to them. All is connected, interwoven with deep layers of beauty. And mysteries. My feet are grounded, pressed firmly to nature's floor. I plant my broken bones and allow the veins in my body to descend underground. Body grows below and above; as I become deeply rooted, I am extended. Ascended. It is all known to everyone. My arms reach upward to find the strength of the sun. Moments become time, days become ages. I yearn for the stars, but the elders hang over and hide me from freedom. Patience is my only hope, as I press on into the earth, building roots into the unknown.

Has it been a moment, years, centuries since I first sank into this ground? My bones are tired, but they remain strong. Often, in the dead of night, I long to uproot myself and continue in the desert. Will I always feel this way.. so empty, so estranged?

But then, sunrise. I am touched, I feel the warmth of not being by myself, yet I don't know who is by me. It is a radiant light filled with warmth. The Comforter. I am reaching the top, I am finally there. The Canopy.

Your Armageddon

Where were you when the world ended? I called for you, begging you to be here, holding me as I held your sweet soul. I ran down the staircase as fast as I could. People were screaming, rushing to nowhere. Large glass doors with gaudy accents of gold and silver opened to the outside world, as I watched water rising from earth. She was on a grassy hill that morphed into the color of concrete. Everything did. Geysers collided with downpours of rain, hail, snow flurries. The clouds opened and released screams of bright colors. The earth was monochrome, and I felt you. I imagined where you could be, and I found you. I opened my eyes to the realization that I wasn't meant to be in your armageddon.. you chose to face it without me.
My soul released, and I was no more.

Footprint

I went to the zoo. We saw wolves, otters, and meercats. I got to see how big a hippo's adult foot print is compared to my hand. It was cold and cloudy outside, but my heart was so warm from the sweet company and companionship.

Enter through the wooden doors
Stained from wet weather
Host to beautiful greens and browns

I watch as the beautiful ones enter inside. They spend their times with wings and sounds, and I watch their wonder. I took the time to sneak away, watching little feet wander over cobblestone, hearing the wilderness and the trees, feeling the frozen air sneak under my layers.

But then I placed my hand in yours
Pressed my palm and felt your callouses
I thought, how big could this be?
Opened my mind and my heart

But You Were There

Wooden planks to balance upon
Walking with you, and talking
Standing side by side, but separate
That's how we want and need it
And I am grateful, you know that

Desires and wishes discussed
Honesty poured from a tall bottle
Laughing those natural laughs
I know you missed seeing them
And I am sorry, you know that

Time to reflect here on my own
You were off in the distance
Too far to see, but you were there
I was confident of your presence
And I am here, please know that

This Open Field

Did the ground shake beneath you?
God knows that fear was in your eyes
Whose fault was that when it fell on me?
Dandelions keep you in this open field
With a heart closed, so full of bitterness
Even open air seems to suffocate you
If only those lungs could fully inhale
Then peace could at last hold you

Hands

I sat there, with warmth ahead of me
And cold behind
As my hair, dripping with moisture
laid against my curves

My eyes remained open, through it all
The separation showed
And my focused was changed to them
the beautiful workers

Behind The Glass

But here, I am free

my heart and my feet

I wander aimlessly

yet I don't feel alone

Trying to fit in the box

I yearned to match you

and to be what you needed

but I was sent North

And now I touch the water

it is cold and it is rushing

closer than ever before

and yet, for some reason

I am not as scared as before

I am not behind the glass

Image Via WeHeartIt

Limbs

I wrote this a while ago, about a dear friend of mine. I'm not sure if it still applies to them, but I like to look back on my past writings of old friends, and see how they've changed. I know I have.

Your shortness of breath has always stood out to me-
When it's heard, I think of the fall, black and whites-
A rasp that come from deep within your heavy lungs
As if something is trying to get itself out, it's been trapped for years-
And maybe, maybe that is just what it is...
Your will, navigating through life, searching for its right path-
Waiting for the perfect time to release itself from down under
Into the clean, fresh air that we call what will be-
I want that for you-
And your warm skin, soft from river trips and sun baths-
Each limb waving like branches in its favorite storm
As I watched you move with the drum, song, sound
And it moved us to a greater sense of inner mysteries
Do you still think of me? Am I a positive memory?

To Those Who Have Read

There are certain moments I wish I was a better writer.. or at least, one who could write pages worth of words. Unfortunately, I find beauty in the simplicity of a simple poem, ones that I rarely even show my closest friends. I am not more proud or feel more accomplished with the ones I post here, but I merely have the time and means to press "publish". Maybe because I don't feel the need to defend the ones posted here. I have no expectation for you, the reader, to feel anything after reading my words. In the end, these ruminations, oftentimes associating themselves in rhythm or rhyme, have absolutely nothing to offer to the world. I am satisfied in knowing this. I expect nothing to come from my ridiculous attempt to write what you might hope to be beautiful works. If you enjoy generally peaceful, regularly erratic, uneducated words, then my hope is that you feel as if you're not wasting your time. In the end, I hope I can look back on Meticulous Markings, and can somehow strewn together a path that signifies the course through my life. Positive pieces and negative nothings. I hope you get something out of it, too.

Question of the blog:
Do you write? Do you enjoy your pieces? What inspires your favorite way to express yourself in art for?

Weekend Rush

I am falling-
My favorite red shoes graze the sidewalk, then gravity becomes me as I am sent forward. In this moment, the memories concocted throughout the weekend flood my eyes, and for a moment, I am experiencing it all over again. I am telling him to slow down, but the policeman's lights are already tracking us. Red and blue, red and blue, red and blue. Lights. My right foot has lost balance and the drain takes advantage of my inebriated state. Then comes the smell of Southern Comfort, vodka cranberry, Keystone, and I could vomit once again. I throw my right hand forward, as my face comes closer to the pavement. Wine tasting and stretch limousines. Cold pizza and pinot noir. Seeing my best friend in love with such an admirable woman, one that I pray I can one day be half as lovely as. My elbow meets the street first, grinding like sandpaper. Being so proud to watch them turn their tassels, on the verge of tears as I see my inspiration. Left knee meets the ground, I am going down. 6 am and we are drinking at the bar, which was just as busy only 4 hours before. San Luis traditions I am grateful to be a part of. Right hip makes its final descent, and is abruptly stopped.. A meeting I know will be coupled by purple and black in days to come. Humbling moments and gratitude of the giving souls surrounding me. Free flowing tears and smiles on the steps outside your home.

I am back. As my eyes open and I start to sit up, the ones by my side rush to see if my broken body is okay. Adrenaline prevents me from crying from the pain, but my heart breaks as I watch my favorite bracelet of beads snap. One by one, each sandalwood bead heads toward the gutter that just took me down. I am filled with more memories, of being 10 years old with these prayer beads, of having Tibetan monks blessing them when I was a kid, of using them every takeoff and landing for the past decade, of the Coptic priest blessing them in the Holy Sepulchre.
I fell.

Paved Ways

Looking back at what was
I find myself recalling
The night that I felt infinite
Riding down the hill

Chills from the north winds
And bulky sweatshirts piled
Clear skies hold a full moon
And our blazing souls below

Our best friends beside us
Perfect peace on our faces
Coasting as I thought
In this moment, we were infinite.

This night, of all nights
Will remain deepest in my heart
I shared my inmost being
With the pavement and the stars.

Let Me Go

Looking down to a heavy heart
Removed the locket from my chest
I was given back the key
And asked to keep it, and the rest
Damage done, and time will tell
Short embrace, how I've been blessed
And although right now I am not it
know that you deserve the best

(image via WeHeartIt)

coup d'état

Ganymede's Abduction, Image Via WeHeartIt

What was once spoken is now silence

And your voice is like an echo in my mind.

You put up your words of defense

And I forget dreams, they're left behind.

The sight is gone from my eyes

I am blinded by a future without you.

Our past is slowly filled by lies

Your sudden revolt, the brilliant coup.

So now I cover my mouth, eyes, ears

And try to move past regret.

Though through thick and thin, all those years

I do not think I'll forever forget.

Southbound

Image via WeHeartIt

June gloom rests low to the ground,

and sends the mist my way

south of Oceanside

I am alone inside, transforming,

learning present emotions

from convenience charge

And blossoms appear from the past,

blooming from hands and hearts

as I am held by my home

Sweet echoes are sent down paths,

I hold my breath to hear return

and smile when she responds

Your Fire Will Lead You On

We gather together, and we pick up

Singing songs you and I both know

Wander to the nearest one

We set fire and watch it glow.

My baby's here, and she blows smoke

It fades into the fire and spins

The air changes its night course

and our backs are to the wind.

And though my love is far from here

hints of him come sneaking through

I am reminded of all that I miss

The back of my hand, old and new.

A collection of my recent past here

Memories created leave a scar

I look up to hide back these tears

And make a wish upon a star.

Your fire will lead you on,

Light your path always.