But You Were There

Wooden planks to balance upon
Walking with you, and talking
Standing side by side, but separate
That's how we want and need it
And I am grateful, you know that

Desires and wishes discussed
Honesty poured from a tall bottle
Laughing those natural laughs
I know you missed seeing them
And I am sorry, you know that

Time to reflect here on my own
You were off in the distance
Too far to see, but you were there
I was confident of your presence
And I am here, please know that

Planes, Love Bugs, and The Times

Leaving tomorrow for a little vacation down south.. I'll be gone for about a week, so don't expect elaborate blogs for a little while (although when have I ever been one to write elaborate blogs?). Despite being excited for this trip, I can't help but be more sad that anything. I'm going to miss my Newo Pups so much. This is the longest we've been away from each other! My heart is breaking.

Question of the blog:
You have a few hours to kill. What do you do while you wait?

Clean Sheets and Christmas Lights

There's something so refreshing about spending the day, doing laundry and cleaning up your room. Currently, my deep purple sheets are hung up in the windows, and they look like the walls lining a bazaar. As I wander around my empty flat, it smells like fresh flowers, and I feel so much more peaceful than how I felt earlier in the day. My desk is lined with tea candles, lit and glowing with my desk lamps, and our Christmas lights that decorate the hall. They all bring a sense of warmth into this oftentimes empty heart of mine.

Life can be frustrating, overwhelming, heartbreaking, and disappointing, but at least we can go to bed with the knowledge that tomorrow brings new opportunities for us to grow, and be lovelier people than the day before.

Question of the blog:

What brings you comfort on lonely nights?

Your Fire Will Lead You On

We gather together, and we pick up

Singing songs you and I both know

Wander to the nearest one

We set fire and watch it glow.

My baby's here, and she blows smoke

It fades into the fire and spins

The air changes its night course

and our backs are to the wind.

And though my love is far from here

hints of him come sneaking through

I am reminded of all that I miss

The back of my hand, old and new.

A collection of my recent past here

Memories created leave a scar

I look up to hide back these tears

And make a wish upon a star.

Your fire will lead you on,

Light your path always.

Come And Go

And the days come to you like sailors, you watch them as they drift away,

they meet the sunrise out at the horizon.

It's been a good weekend. I am very tired, still getting over this stupid cold I've had for 8 days. People that live on campus are moving back home, and it is very sad for everyone. The campus is quiet, the nights are more lonely for everyone, but it's really inspired me. The friends I've been meeting are all a part of the EF program, where they come and stay in San Diego (or wherever an Education First program is) and they live here as students, and learn English. They go to class on week days, and party on weekends. Unfortunately, they don't really experience the full American lifestyle, since it's all foreign kids living with other foreign kids. So I am really going to push my friendships with them, in hopes that they will want to journey with me and learn more about how I live my life down here. Even though I live pretty basically down here, it's still more than they get to experience. To see someone have a good time in the short time they live here, I'd do a lot. Whether it's driving them to the beach, or taking them to my favorite coffee shop, it's worth it for them and worth it for me. There's nothing like making new friends through experiences together.

So more adventures, more traveling, more late nights, more beach days.

Let the good times roll.

Question of the blog:

If you could live in ANY country, and live as a student learning their language, where would you go?

Telescope

I'll be doing my best, and I'll see you soon.

Question of the blog:

The wind is blowing. The sun has gone to bed, but the moon stays up with you. As this song wraps you in its arms, and comfort fills the heart inside of you, your thoughts are here.

What are your thoughts?

Free association here.

Never Meant To Get This Far From Shore

The page in Theodore Roosevelt's diary, the day where both his mother and wife died within hours of each other.

Short breaths, quick and sharp,

It frustrates you, but I can't slow down

My lungs exhausted, petrified,

I'm not ready to leave this town.

But time sends me forward now

And southbound I am traveling

To what I thought I knew as home,

Though that idea is unraveling.

The body I possess is suffering,

With pain behind the green eyes

Thoughts race through my young mind,

That what was new is now what dies.

A family, broken and at the end,

Or what I pray is just a phase

I look for ways to come back home,

And be in your arms, like better days.

Question of the blog:

Do you write in any type of journal or diary?

Brains

Last day at home, and day 4 of this migraine that is eating my brain. Went to the chiropractor and cried like a baby for half the appointment because it hurt so bad. Finally starting to pack, have yet to shower, dinner at 6. Excited for this adventure back down to SD, but my head hurts so much I worry that I won't enjoy my time. No need to hope, I am positive we will have a great time in San Luis, like always. Then down the coast, through LA, and probably be in San Diego on Monday. Jillian is staying with me for 2 1/2 weeks, we are buying disposable cameras, playing at the beach, traveling to new places, and I am so glad for the time we will spend together. Bittersweet days. Now migraine, please go away so I can be productive and excited.

No One Compares To You

Going to stay busy today, with car tires, South Pine Cafe, laundry, and packing. I can't believe I go back to school on Saturday. Today, I appreciate having the incredible amount of freedom my parents give me. I can come and go and still feel as welcome as ever. I am grateful that I can go back to school early, and spend some time adventuring before I start classes again. Excited to spend some time in San Luis Obispo, excited to have Jillian with me for a couple of weeks. Appreciative.

Question of the blog:

Who are you thankful for?

In My Life

The summary of my first semester in San Diego:

Unpacking. Solana Beach. Swimming. Sun kissed skin. Adjustments. Dropping. Birthdays. New friends. Stars. Giants. Designated driving. Tears. Travels. Miramar. Ocean days. Disneyland fireworks. Photoshoots. Family visits. Sushi. Apple pie. Losing you. Stepping out. New places. Basketball. Disposable cameras. Halloween. Tattoos. Dress up parties. Dream interpretation. World Series. Independence confused with loneliness. Girls nights. Solo road trips. Christmas traditions. Chalk.

Question of the blog:

How would you summarize the last 5 months?

Keep It

Keep life meaningful

Ocean tomorrow.

Splashing in the waves, clouds overhead, but that's okay, because I like it and that's what makes me feel like I'm at home.

Question of the blog:

I like the feeling of really cold ocean water. When it hits my skin, I get this rush of emotion that bursts out of my body in laughter. I laugh uncontrollably as I shiver in the water.

What is something that makes you genuinely laugh?

spring 2011

i will be successful next semester.

Southbound

I have not unpacked since arriving in San Diego.

I have yet to even wash my hair.

Something tells me my heart was left somewhere on the coast of California.

Dear San Diego,

Bye. I think today I'll make my way up the coast today. See you on the 29th, sucka!

Love always,

Alexandra

How Good?

Friends like you? So good.

Open Up

star wars shirt. running shorts. it's a funny day, with the wind blowing and the sun shining like it does every november. walking down the road, i can't help but smile. it's that still silence of the trees and fields. i'm shaky from the coffee i drank an hour ago. van morrison fills my ear. i'll take your advice and say fuck it all. tomorrow i'll chat with the art institute of seattle, los angeles, new england. what will i do, i'm not quite sure to be honest. lick my lips, pull up my hair into that messy bun you used to love. sit down at my computer and i write about children, and families, and communities, and societies. it's fun. next door my neighbors smoke in the living room, and they enjoy every second of it. and they love it and i love them and they love me. in the library, love is blooming from germany to norway and i can feel them smiling from here. it's the sound of going home. i'm in love with today and with you. thank you. beautiful ideas spill out of my mind onto this keyboard and come out completely wrong, but here it is. the french don't say i love you, but rather i am in love. that's what i am today. with nothing in particular, but with everything. and everyone. i don't have a lot, but that's what i do have. guitar strings without voices. sometimes this is just what i need. nothing is okay but i know it will be, and that's okay for now.

The Day The Sun Was Shining

Good morning.

Eight wakes me. Existence greets me with community, and others. They clap their hands, we greet each other. I hear songs from my past, widening my heart to accept your gift. Young people, babies, love, doing their best. Thoughts jumble my mind and my stomach. Grape juice in cups that remind me of my past. My heart yearns and I open myself up. Broken cisterns. Come fill me. It's 10:30.

Jon Foreman guides me up North. I park in my favorite spot. Walk in shaking, too much coffee, or something else. It is All Saint's Day, and the occasion sends us to the Book of Common Prayer. I am home, as we say the prayers I have spoken since the day I could read. I am overwhelmed. We sing my favorite hymns.

Disregard everything, just listen.

Darkness Before The Dawn

jd, i see what you see.

Propaganda

Giants won the World Series this year, so my friend Brian and 3 other nice kids got tattoos.

Ah, the therapeutic burn.

We went to Propaganda Tattoo on Voltaire Street in San Diego. Such a wonderful place with a great vibe and even better people. How small is this world? Well, Steve, one of the tattoo artists, heard Brian talking about the 5-3-0 (my area code) and said, "Oh, Grass Valley? I lived there for 13 years." CRAZY. He talked all about The Crazy Horse and all of his good times hanging out by my old work. He spoke about Scary Jerry and mutual friends, and the Del Oro theatre.

It was good to have a moment back at home.

A Storm Is Coming, Frank Says.

How can I say it any better? Looking down, the water curls into itself. Record highs. It swallows me whole as I focus on my heart beat. On wooden planks over the ocean, ready to be taken away. Old souls, mixed up mind, and again the pier shakes like an earthquake. The water rises, then falls. I am still looking down. As the host stares into me, I try to turn away, but I am drawn to you. Power and pain. Close to tragedy. Putting my walls up in preparation for the storm. I don't want it. I separate. I look to my cornerstone, who embraces it all. To be ready and willing for all things, oh how I long to be more like you. I can see a lot of life in you. Remain facing the waves, like a bird, plunging into the water. Do you look back at me? Let me rest. I am not afraid to die, to see you.

At last.