Your Armageddon

Where were you when the world ended? I called for you, begging you to be here, holding me as I held your sweet soul. I ran down the staircase as fast as I could. People were screaming, rushing to nowhere. Large glass doors with gaudy accents of gold and silver opened to the outside world, as I watched water rising from earth. She was on a grassy hill that morphed into the color of concrete. Everything did. Geysers collided with downpours of rain, hail, snow flurries. The clouds opened and released screams of bright colors. The earth was monochrome, and I felt you. I imagined where you could be, and I found you. I opened my eyes to the realization that I wasn't meant to be in your armageddon.. you chose to face it without me.
My soul released, and I was no more.

Home in our Hearts

Wondering what life would be like with your sweet hands on my face,
The sweet comforter you were, providing the world with confidence
And a sweet grace that humbles, always conscious of the world around.
I yearn for your advice, your knowledge and experience of life
That darling smile, shining eyes, the way you forgive, and help me forget
Makes me never want to forget, and you know that I never could.
The heart you left me with is empty, and I hold it alone as I wait for you
Or, I suppose, as you wait until I join you once again, in a new world
One bright morning, as the light pours into our home in our hearts.

I will miss you forever, my sweet.

Candy Apple Red

For almost my entire life, I saw candy apple red nail polish on my grandmother's nails. It was her signature look, the perfect tie to any outfit. For her funeral, the girls in our family painted our nails that same color. The candy apple red lives on.

Question of the blog:

We all have a special person, whether it's a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or godparent, or someone just close to the family. Search deep in your memories.. Who is a special person in your life, and what is their signature? Nail polish, hat, lipstick, shoes...

Swing Sets and Potato Soup

My grandfather said it was as if she stood up and walked out the room, leaving her body behind. Aunt Judy held the phone up to her ear, and I said thank you. Spending hours sitting on my bed, I search through hundreds of old photographs from England, looking for her. I pile, scan, crop, edit, post, for my family and for myself. I find comfort in the photographs. She had called me Amelia Earhart for what I had been doing all summer. I was going to call her and tell her I was coming down next week, but she left before I did, and now she is calling me to come down anyways. Always sweet, always tender. My heart yearns for a sneeze, and a second one, just so I can hear you say, "Want to try for three?" Or even just an "I love you be careful" before I hang up the phone. I want to eat our favorite potato soup from Hof's Hut together. I want you to tell me how this dress looks, see if you'd approve of it for next Thursday. A lady that looked like you told me that you would think it looked great on me. Today at the airport, a mother pushed her son in a stroller towards his grandmother. As she was turned around, he yelled with arms wide open, "Granny! Granny!" She turned, and with the sweetest smile on her face, started crying. As she held her grandson in her arms, I yearned for one last embrace from you. My Gaga. I want you to be at my wedding one day. I want you to meet my dog. I want you to wipe away my tears and sing me to sleep, because you always knew how to calm me when I was weepy. My emotions run through my veins.

You are with me. Please, be with me.

1.28.25-8.7.11

Question of the blog:

Who have you lost?

Where Sailboats Go.

This was written as I sat on a bench at the beach in Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington. To those who haven't been here, it's a part of the ocean that is nestled in the mountains of Northwest Washington, and it almost feels like lakes and rivers, rather than the Pacific ocean.

Lori Goodrich Leaman departed this world today, after battling cancer. She has been a part of my life for what seems like the entirety of it. I played with her children when we were young, I took communion by her side, I saw her every week. Lori was the perfect example of who I want to be when I grow up.. A woman with full faith in God, who trusted and loved with her all her heart. My heart is broken today, and I miss her terribly. Read slowly, while listening to this song. Reflect and pray for Lori's husband, son and daughter, and all those that mourn for her. For those mourning the loss of this incredible woman, you are not alone.

I look to the ocean, but today it is not endless.

Behind it, forests, snowy mountains. The summer breeze caresses my tears down the sides of my face. Salty waves press against the rocks, brushing their rough edges with the gentle sand. The surface of the waves glitter and crash towards the shore.

And I am not alone.

She sits beside me, simple kisses from the sun to remind me she is there. Through the trees, like soft winks and whispers, sunlight rains. I am warm, everything inside me is warm. And for the first time in my life, the ocean doesn't seem endless.

I see the other side, and I will join one day.

The sixth of July, when pain is ceased and Home welcomes a new spirit. She is joy, she is faith. She is all that you asked of her, the good and faithful servant. So I walk to join her. I walk as far as I can, over rocks and sand. I want to be there, but I am stopped by the wind. My feet stay on the dry ground as I wave goodbye.

We rest where the sailboats go.

On the bridge with the others, the fishermen wait with me, as the sun yearns for the west. There are smiles on all their faces, because we know one day we will follow.

Into the west.

L

This invisible monster is taking over my mind, rotting my being from the inside. Taking everything, leaving nothing but the faint memory that I once had something. Her name will drive me mad. She is destroying everything in her path, and I am standing like a deer in the headlights as she moves towards me.

to die would be an awfully big adventure.

-peter pan

Hey, Buddies

(The Great Buddies, in the maroon staff shirt. Biggest, craziest heart.)

Not prepared to let you go.

I'll be missing you, Buddies.

Darick Sprague

August 8, 1990 - December 25, 2010

Anxious For Nothing

Terry Winters

July 5, 1954 - October 5, 2009

...and GOD will wipe every tear from their eyes.

Revelation 7:17 b

All In One Blow

Well.... What was planned to be a hopeful day, turned out to be the following:
1. 4 applications for a morning job, but none are really hiring.
2. 20 minutes on the phone with State Farm, repeating the same 3 sentences over and over again.
3. 1 FAFSA, which only reminded me further about how poor I really am.
4. 1 extra night at work this week, followed by lecture.
5. 1 of my favorite people I will never see again. Rest in peace, Mary Howard.
It is 3:37, and I am ready for this day to be over. Maybe a nap and some quality time with God will lighten things a little. Until then, Be well, stay dry, and don't eat too much because then you'll get a stomach ache that feels like this.

Peace.
Goodbye, thank you for everything.
Greet us at the gates.

Hello, Goodbye.

Breathe in, out.
Pause.
Slowing down, speeding up,
you press the button and roll back.
I love you
has never been so beautiful
than when it came
from a dying man's lips.
Thank you,
I love you.
I will see you in heaven.