Fervor

As evening took over day, we prepared the meal that would bring us together one last time before we slept. Simple conversation, good deeds and smiles filled the house, swirling in with the smell of a Mediterranean meal being prepared in the kitchen. My heart filled with joy as I imagined us growing closer, a family meal, that I was part of. I cleared the table to allow room for the chicken and vegetable medley. The man of the house laid the plates down, like works of art on a large canvas. The boy I know so well was smiling, happy to be in the sweet company of the ones that love him so well. I watched the peace and harmony around the table before sitting next to my favorite friend, when I realized that no meal was set in front of my black wooden chair. As politely as I could ask, where was my plate, my heart dropped. Nothing was prepared for me. I am not a part of this group, this collective of humans so consumed in themselves. I came unprepared to this gathering, where I was expected to provide for myself. Stubborn soul kept me seated through the entire meal, as I ate, my heart built walls with bricks and fresh plaster. My ears allowed nothing in, and an encore of deep drones and tones prevented all positive energy from entering. The eyes that hold consciousness fogged over. Your heart is nauseating.

I don't understand the now before the then.

Question of the blog:
Do your dreams feel like reality? How do you deal with stress and frustration?

Home in our Hearts

Wondering what life would be like with your sweet hands on my face,
The sweet comforter you were, providing the world with confidence
And a sweet grace that humbles, always conscious of the world around.
I yearn for your advice, your knowledge and experience of life
That darling smile, shining eyes, the way you forgive, and help me forget
Makes me never want to forget, and you know that I never could.
The heart you left me with is empty, and I hold it alone as I wait for you
Or, I suppose, as you wait until I join you once again, in a new world
One bright morning, as the light pours into our home in our hearts.

I will miss you forever, my sweet.

Needed someone and they weren't there.

Brains

Living life in San Diego is very strange without Andy in it. I've gone 2 days without him and my schedule is so empty without his companionship. Seriously considering going to a Padres game by myself tomorrow just because I have no one to go with. All my friends down here are married. I'd almost rather be working... almost.

Question of the blog:
What do you do when you're on your own for a few days?

Trail Mix

I specifically eat handfuls of trail mix with a maximum of 2 m&ms in it, so that when im at the bottom of the package I just have a million m&ms. I don't know what this says about my personality but I'd like to ask a psychologist.

Question of the blog:
What's your favorite snack to munch on?

Thoughts On Today, Or Whatever.

Partly cloudy skies and positive energy
Feeling tired, like my horoscope predicted
It got every single thing right today
From my wellness, to my work ethic.

Now a chance of rain, we head to SeaLife
I have a headache, I miss Nevada City
I want to be at the Yuba, not a place like this
Looking at water through glass walls

Making plans to see my greatest friends
Ruminating on the things I have yet to do
Goals I did not complete on my timeline
Things that bother me every night and day

Whatever I'm over it.

Homeland

<p>First day back at "work" in san diego. Currently sitting in the Target parking lot while Alex naps. I am in a dilemma, because I need dog food and new pants (I have a massive rip in the crotch of my jeans), but don't have enough for both. Also I have no food. Newo pups comes first, though. Which is humbling, and of course I do it with joy. <br>
I am practicing serving with joy. In Israel, I was able to practice all the time, and the repetition was so good for me.
In short, my trip to the Holy Land was nothing short of life-changing. Not only was it a vacation from EVERYTHING I consider to be normal life, but it was everything I needed to be inspired in my walk as a Christian woman.
I saw Jewish women my age, weeping in the Western Wall tunnels at midnight. I rode on a boat across the sea of Galilee, and swam in the Jordan River. I drank wine in Cana, and sang in a church in Tabgha. I walked the streets of the old city, and received blessings from a Coptic priest. I saw Golgotha, and touched the walls of the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.
It was all amazing. I practiced patience, experienced bible stories, sang ancient hymns, ate REAL Mediterranean food. My only regret is not forcing Andy to come with me. I missed him terribly. I missed my dog. I missed speaking to Miles, being challenged by his words and being inspired to be the best of myself.
But now, I am home, and what I keep with me from this trip consists of photos, memories, and a few trinkets. Just a few days ago, as I looked across Armageddon and the Carmel Valley, I wept as I felt the spirit comfort me, for I did not want to leave. But as life goes, we are continually moving, growing, exploring. And I am thankful for each blessing. It's bittersweet to be home, but my memories wont fade.

And I'l be back.

650 photos to sift through, once they're edited, I'll post them here. A huge thank you to Miles for reminding me of my passion to sing and to photograph. Without that reminder, this trip would have been nothing.

I've attached the only picture on my phone I took on the trip. Hopefully that holds you over until the real ones come.

Woman.

I knew as I started packing 3 days ago, that I was going to be up late tonight, finishing the deed. I leave for Israel in less than 10 hours now, and no zippers are zipped, no bags closed. FOCUS!