Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Fervor

As evening took over day, we prepared the meal that would bring us together one last time before we slept. Simple conversation, good deeds and smiles filled the house, swirling in with the smell of a Mediterranean meal being prepared in the kitchen. My heart filled with joy as I imagined us growing closer, a family meal, that I was part of. I cleared the table to allow room for the chicken and vegetable medley. The man of the house laid the plates down, like works of art on a large canvas. The boy I know so well was smiling, happy to be in the sweet company of the ones that love him so well. I watched the peace and harmony around the table before sitting next to my favorite friend, when I realized that no meal was set in front of my black wooden chair. As politely as I could ask, where was my plate, my heart dropped. Nothing was prepared for me. I am not a part of this group, this collective of humans so consumed in themselves. I came unprepared to this gathering, where I was expected to provide for myself. Stubborn soul kept me seated through the entire meal, as I ate, my heart built walls with bricks and fresh plaster. My ears allowed nothing in, and an encore of deep drones and tones prevented all positive energy from entering. The eyes that hold consciousness fogged over. Your heart is nauseating.

I don't understand the now before the then.

Question of the blog:
Do your dreams feel like reality? How do you deal with stress and frustration?

3 comments:

Mollie Underwood said...

this

Moorea Seal said...

I've been having some especially vivid and disheartening dreams lately too. Probably because of stress. They keep bringing up things I literally have not thought about in months if not years and it frustrates me that somewhere deep inside of me, there are memories battling with each other when I thought that those memories worth forgetting or were things I was totally over and didn't care about anymore. Dreams can feel like torture for me sometimes. I wake up and feel like I have been pulled through a pile o poop and for the rest of the day I feel emotionally exhausted and vulnerable and off. Our inner workings are so strange, our minds are so strange. I'm praying for some peace for you my sister, peace on the outside and in your mind and dreams too. <3 I love you to bits.
xo Moorea

miles b. said...

word. this is really good.