Friday, July 27, 2012


I wrote this a while ago, about a dear friend of mine. I'm not sure if it still applies to them, but I like to look back on my past writings of old friends, and see how they've changed. I know I have.

Your shortness of breath has always stood out to me-
When it's heard, I think of the fall, black and whites-
A rasp that come from deep within your heavy lungs
As if something is trying to get itself out, it's been trapped for years-
And maybe, maybe that is just what it is...
Your will, navigating through life, searching for its right path-
Waiting for the perfect time to release itself from down under
Into the clean, fresh air that we call what will be-
I want that for you-
And your warm skin, soft from river trips and sun baths-
Each limb waving like branches in its favorite storm
As I watched you move with the drum, song, sound
And it moved us to a greater sense of inner mysteries
Do you still think of me? Am I a positive memory?

Nothing Scares Me Anymore

I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight.

God's Country

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My dearest told me you were outside
And everything inside of me spun
Waves of excitement, nausea
How should I react when we are face to face?
Know I looked for your face in the crowd
You are who you are, from above.

Far From

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...But the story was far from over.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I need you so much closer.


Wrinkled eyes, sweet smile
I am so interested that one day
I'll find what was originally meant to be
Your first number, the beginning

I'll never forget your heart
Genuine, more than anything
And your sense of giving, and forgiving

But until then, I have this
The second, the replacement
I took M's advice and was a woman,
Not just a lady

But I'd really just rather be a lady.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Be My Friend

someone's anyone

I Try

I would really like to know why things have still yet to work themselves out. And you better know I try damn hard. If you don't, I'd rather just let you go at this point.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


This post features a collection of writings from the last 2 years that were never published, due to my feelings that they were unable to be completed. They are in no particular order. One could be from last week, another from during times that haunt me, others from dreams I had years ago that I can no longer remember. Nevertheless, i thought I would share them. Spacing separates each piece, dashes mark unfinished lines. Some obviously come in pieces, others just lines I couldn't fit into other works. The end.


In some ways I feel as though it may just be your problem, not mine.


Late nights with no one home
Afraid of all these things uknown
Arguments come from within
I see no new path begin
Wondering if I search or stay
As I wake up clouded every day


You lay there in your natural state
I'm connected like I've never been before
You've found the best love, it's you and me
Here we --


A deep red, verging on purple
Mixed with long kept secrets
Poured into a well used glass


He and his American spirit.


With high hopes and no expectations
I'd like to watch the sun go down
Sitting on a park bench..

I won't anticipate what won't come
But dreams still fill my mind
That even though with wings outstretched
You and I were still confined

In the invisible universe that fills my head
I cannot help but wonder
That the storm I saw in front of me
Rays of sun or bolts and thunder


Release me.
Send me home.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

It wasn't about me,
He said as he drank his morning tea.
New light was strewn across the room in which I have spent hours, maybe even days, asking for advice and making plans.
It has never been about you,
And I look up into the skylight, wondering, why can't it be about me just once? It's another cloudless day, one that will heat up quickly and seem to go on forever.
But it's never been about me, either.
I suppose, in all this separation, he is right. And I am brought back to reality, where I see him aging and I think, for once in my life, I'd love to see someone care for him as selflessly as I have. How come it can't be all about you, just one time? Know that I think you deserve it.

Question of the blog:
Who do you know that you think may deserve an extra special I love you or thank you today? Why don't you say it already?

I'll Always Remember

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How do you like me now?

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Potential To Do

I have been applying for jobs all over town. To be totally honest, in a big city, my resume wouldn't offer much. Restaurant experience, experience with children.. But my resume in my town RULES. I have experience in two of the most well known food service companies in town. It also doesn't help that I have a last name that almost everyone knows. But that's beside the point.
In the end, no matter how "qualified" I am, I'm still not very qualified. I don't have a specific skill, degree, or passion. I generally like to save money, serve others, and work as little as humanly possible. Searching through our local newspaper, CraigsList, and hearsay, I've found so many companies looking for work, but nobody wants to work for them. Look them up on Yelp, and on average have around 2 stars. Pathetic! And that's just what I told myself. After thinking about this for a while, my mind started to wander.. And this is what it came up with.
I think the job that I would flourish at, would be someone who came into businesses, set them straight and told them what they were doing wrong, re-hired people of actual potential, and then set them free to do what they need. Like that restaurant tv show, but with everything. My thought is, if you're getting reviews that your customer service sucks, why on earth would you exclusively hire snobby hippies that don't like to talk to people that aren't fellow snobby hippies? If no one wants to work for you, why on earth would you keep running a business that nobody enjoys? I'm sure you don't enjoy working for yourself, either! It's just so sad to think that businesses in my home town aren't trying their damn hardest to be a 5 star kind of place. If they all were, I think our town could potentially have thousands more tourists, and who wouldn't want that?
Unfortunately, I have no history or skill to do this kind of job, but it's a thought. Maybe one day I'll walk into one of these places, tell them straight up how it is, and how I want to work for them, and maybe I'll actually get hired. Until then.. Let's hope BriarPatch liked me enough that I can get discounted groceries and a part time job. In that order. Mmm.. Food..

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Work It Out

Afraid that I will get the feeling that I won't leave, I have been refusing to set up my desktop computer in my family's house. Instead, I've been using our "old" lap top, which chooses when to play sounds or not, and is unable to work without being plugged in.
Alas, I have lost 3 versions of my resume today, as well as spending 2 hours filling in an online template that ended up wanting to charge me $6 just to save the final product. Needless to say, I am beyond fed up with writing my Experiences and Skills. Or lack thereof.
I have been invited to live in a very interesting home, ironically down the street from my family's house. I think this is going to be an incredible experience. Lots of learning, lots of loving, lots of creativity and minds being open and hearts being worked.
Please, God, open my heart and my eyes to see the beauty in all people. Please send me reminders that I am loved and that I am making the right decisions. Please inspire my imagination through these new experiences. I am going to wake up tomorrow, and this is all going to work.

Let's start it all over.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Love Song

Your slithering words down each woman's neck
Although you think no one sees, I am all seeing
I am all watching, I will find you, in the deepest depths
The Taurean within will surprise you, in the worst way

I will make certain of just a few things:
One, you will never have the chance to hurt again
Two, the beautiful light will never be shown on your hideous face
Three, I will destroy every good word of you
And my rage will consume you, forever

Although, as I write these promises, I am confused
I start to see both sides, the relationship between you
And I see that neither of you ever loved this
This soul is once again alone, shattered, defeated
Fuck you, for defining my existence

This promise is made to you, and to you:
Crossing my path will be the worst fate you will ever choose
And I swear to all that is above, I will keep that promise
Like you never kept for me