Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Greatly Needed Adventure

On Thursday, I am going to Santa Cruz to go to the dental hygiene open house at Cabrillo College.
I want to see everyone in or around Santa Cruz. That means you. I will probably be available Thursday night and Friday morning/noontime. I think. I hope.
Please contact me if you would like to meet up while I am down there. I would love to see my friends from Camp Hammer, as well as my dear ones originally from Nevada City. 
Call, text, email, Facebook message me. I really want to see everyone I can while I am in SC for a baby adventure. 

Question of the blog:
Where is your favorite place to escape to? 

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Proud Parent

Ahh, I love the Nevada Union choir. Friday night, Mike and I went to the Concert choir's Bon Voyage concert, and it was so good. And praise the Lord, I recently got a memory card that can hold about a billion minutes of video. I was able to record all of the songs, so for your viewing pleasure...
They are now on my YouTube! Check them all out, I will have about 6 of the best ones from the night up, and if people want, I will upload them all. This was my favorite song of the whole night, and the solo is by my dear friend Galen Fraser, who was my senior ball date, and is Alasder Fraser's son. And he's going to Berklee this fall. He's basically the most awesome person ever, and has a stunning voice! Listen to this and you will surely swoon. Enjoy!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Jesus, Remember Me.

Luke 23:32-49 (New International Version)

32Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

35The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One."

36The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37and said, "If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself."

38There was a written notice above him, which read:|sc THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

39One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"

40But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? 41We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."

42Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

43Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

(Self portrait. January, 2009)

I love my prayer beads. I feel like I have had prayer beads in my hand since the day I was brought into the world. I have little memories of my dad's prayer beads, and of visiting Buddhist monks with those little wooden spheres wrapped around their wrists. I have always found so much peace in my sandalwood beads, and the mantra I was raised that goes along with them. My dad always told me, as a kid, to roll the beads in my hands, from one to the next and all around the necklace. While I did this, as I rolled bead to bead in my palm, I would say, "Jesus, remember me."
Jesus, remember me. Jesus, remember me. Jesus, remember me.
Did you know that this man on the cross who said that is the only man guaranteed salvation in the entire bible? He was never baptized. He never accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. He never took communion. He was a criminal. Yet Jesus looked past all of these flaws, and saw his heart as this criminal looked back at him.
Jesus, remember me. I am a criminal, and I know I have no obeyed. But I have hope in you, I have faith in you.
Jesus, remember me.
I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.
God will not leave me comfortless. He knows me, he remembers me, because I know Him, and I remember Him. And I love Him with all that is in me. I roll this knowledge between my fingers with my sandalwood beads, and I repeat those three words that was said so long ago. I am overwhelmed by the simplistic beauty of God. What a mystery He is. So beyond human, that I cannot fathom the beautiful paradise he promises me. I am anticipating that day with so much happiness. Until then, I keep spinning. I keep reaching for the prize. I remember you, and you remember me.

Love Signs


Friday, March 27, 2009

Oh Blessed Am I

I praise God every day for being so sneaky in my life. He gives and He takes away, and although it makes me sad that things don't always go the way they seem, I know He is protecting me and taking care of me.
Not only this week did I get two paychecks I forgot to pick up, but Solveig, the deaf elderly woman I help a few times a week gave me a check today. I am so blessed to have a job during this time where many people do not, and I thank God for giving me the heart I have to serve others. 
Today, I am praising God for being so good to me. For giving me the opportunity to serve your children. For giving me wonderful friends, a caring family, and a boyfriend who is so good to me. For all the joy in my heart. For giving, and for taking away. God, you are good.
Skip the first 45 seconds of this video. I performed this song with the Nevada Union Chamber Choir last year, and it brings me so much joy to hear it and sing it. Oh blessed am I.
Sing a Mighty Song (performed by the ETBU Concert Choir)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Busy Bee

Fact: When I am stagnant, I am sad.
Fact: Mike leaves in 4 days.
I can see the result of this combination in full view. If I don't start making plans and staying busy, I will surely get depressed very easily.
My goals this next week are as follow:
1. Do not skip any classes. This will only make you sad.
2. Do not miss any physical therapy appointments. This will calm your back down.
3. Do not spend a lot of time in one place. Especially not in your room, alone. Emo.
4. Hang out with a lot of friends, this will help you grow closer in relationships as well as take your mind off of things.
5. Learn to make a new food. Maybe creme brulee?
6. Go on a drive, or a photoventure.
7. Work my hardest, even though my mind will be on other things. Focus.
I am determined to keep my joy in the midst of a life changing moment that has the opportunity to break my spirits. This will happen. I will be a busy bee and I will be joyful.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Dream Come True

Yes. One of my favorite childhood books is now a movie. I will get to escape into one of my top fantasies of my life on the 16th of October this year, if only for a few hours. 
Watch this trailer (full screen is better) and be excited with me.

Top 3 fantasies of my life. I would escape into any of these fictional places/scenes any day:
1. Narnia. 'Nuff said. 
2. The Shire/Anywhere in Lord of the Rings. 
3. Set of Stardust. Err.. Just be Yvaine from Stardust.

Question of the blog:
What is one fantasy place you would love to escape to?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Wait

This is what I am listening to today. 

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Question of the blog:
What are some of your favorite songs today?

The Fight, Analogies, and Other Rants.

I'm struggling in my classes. I feel that there is so much more I could be doing than school work.
Right now I am finding where my priorities are. I am learning how to treat people.. In a week, I will have to learn how to treat not my boyfriend, but a missionary. I am trying to decipher what means more to me in life. Where God is in everything and where I should be. I didn't charge my phone all weekend. As I write this, my phone is dying. The battery sign is flashing and if I don't put it on silent it will BEEP BEEP or bzzzz until it buzzes right off the table. Maybe I am there right now. Maybe my batteries are dying and I am in need of a recharging. My charger is going to be far away. Maybe I need a new phone all together. A new outlook on life or a new personality or a new me. As I prepare for this next Monday, I am scared. I know I am not alone in this. What I don't know is where I am supposed to be.
This reality means so much more to me than Wuthering Heights. I wish I could have been that person who turns their pain into straight A's. That has never made sense to me.

Question of the blog:
Are you the type of person, that in the midst of heartbreak and pain, you excel in school, or just can't take the pressure?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Be Here Now

This song is so sweet to my ears right now.
Be here now. It is like he is singing just to me. Comfort.

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Pushing On

Wow. Sometimes life can get very discouraging. Bad news or a loved one moving, changes in plans or just a lack of joy in your soul... Life can throw crazy turns in a matter of seconds. Sometimes we do this to ourselves, and I can definitely say I throw more at myself than God does. I seem to make and break my goals, my plans, all of it so often. It's heartbreaking, sometimes I just feel like a complete failure. But then, God just pulls a string or twists and lever and my life doesn't seem so blue anymore.
One of my favorite things to do when I am sad is drive through banner mountain. When I can fly through the trees in my car and roll down all the windows (except the driver's window, because it ceases to roll down any more)... I feel free. I feel at peace. I feel God. 
I am no longer planning on working at Camp Hammer this summer. I am no longer planning on attending Cabrillo College in the fall. I am no longer planning on moving out. These are all so frustrating and heart breaking to me. As an almost 19 year old.. I feel the want to be an adult. College friends away from home, feel blessed. You may still feel trapped, but feel the comfort in knowing you are not under your parent's roof. You are not surviving off of their food. I must thank my parents eternally for their lenience and patience with me while I am home. I thank them so much. I am just ready to be a little more independent.
Anyways... Those three things I mentioned above about plans changing, the thought of it just kills me. I feel like a failure that I can't work there, or go to Cabrillo, or move out. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I take everything personally. But today, things are looking a little better. I am applying to Wolf Mountain Camp in the mountains of Nevada County right now. I have an interview with them on Tuesday. I am making plans.. I am being productive. If I don't get the job, I will at least be able to say I tried. 
Two of my best friends are coming home this weekend. Two of my new friends are visiting this weekend.  My boyfriend of 8 months (slash 10 months) is here. We are adventuring to Reno tomorrow two pick up a few, and then to Sacramento to pick up the other. I am so blessed. I am content. I have joy in Christ and I have faith and hope that He will give me rest. The sun is shining on my bare shoulders right now, and I hear the distant sound of the tambourine and the mandolin. Beirut gives me lovely memories. I am happy. Everything will be okay, Alexandra.

Question of the blog:
Do you have a favorite place to drive to/through, that helps you forget about everything and brings you peace?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Strike Anywhere

Don't believe them, I've tried my hand, my planner, my cell phone, and the window sill and these matches just did not light.
Diamond, you have failed me.

Question of the blog:
A completely irrelevant question to this blog, but it is very foggy outside so I thought I might ask. At night, especially when it is foggy, I am afraid I will hit an animal or lose control of my car. What weather are you scared to drive in? Is there any particular reason why you're afraid?

Surprise Surprise

One thing no one in this world knows about me - for your viewing pleasure. 

I use Google Chrome for the sole purpose of this: I love to see what the thumbnails of my links will be. Today's on Facebook, it was my boyfriend's profile. My blog's thumbnail was the pizza face. Ohh the simple things.

Question of the blog:
What internet browser do you have? If you have Google Chrome, what are your most visited websites?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

This Too Shall Pass

The past few months, I have been living my life a little different than I ever have before. I didn't mean to change so much, I did it without knowing. One day, I just woke up, and instead of seeing my life connected, and full, and continual, I saw it in a series of moments. The best way I can describe is like this. 
As I write this, I am viewing it as a moment. In about 10 minutes, I will not be writing about this blog. This moment will be over. I know that sounds sad and a little bit morbid, but that is how my thoughts have been lately. I can feel hot air on my cold toes right now, but in a moment it will be over. 
I noticed my outlook on time and life had changed when I went in to get some blood tests at the hospital. I have a big fear of needles, especially ones that go into my veins. As I sat down into the chair, and the phlebotomist wrapped that pinching rubber thing around my arm, I started to cry. She sunk the needle into my vein, and as my body tensed, my breathing stopped and I held my breath in shock, panic and pain... I realized... 
This moment will be over. 
I looked down, breathed, and I was okay. I don't know what happened, but my view on everything made a huge turn and twist and now... Now, I am not the same person as I was a few months ago. I don't know what it is. Right now I am scared. 
Everything is a series of moments that no matter how connected they are, they feel separate to me. I feel an end. Maybe it is because I am about to have a very large change in my life. I am as prepared as I can be. I am so scared, but I know what must happen. Maybe this feeling that I have lately, goes along with this story. This is a popular Jewish folktale.

One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it." "If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?" "It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility. Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah. He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile. That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled. To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: gimel, zayin, yud, which began the words "Gam zeh ya'avor" -- "This too shall pass." At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.

I suppose I will leave you with that, so that you may have the opportunity to think about it in your own life, as well as give me time to think about it for my own.
Question of the blog:
I have rings that mean different things to me. Do you wear any rings? Do they have specific meanings, or have an interesting story to them?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Meanings and Memoirs

The other day, I was in my music appreciation class and Justin said, "are you okay? You don't look too good." And I said "Eh it's probably just because I'm not wearing makeup." And he said, "you don't wear makeup..."
Now this statement could mean two things. 

1. The makeup that I am using does not do the job. I pray to the Lord on high that this is not the reality of it, because I honestly, when I don't wear makeup I feel like this sometimes:

2. Reason number two for this statement could be that I'm doing a really good job at putting my makeup on. So well in fact, that it looks like I just stepped off my throne next to daddy Zeus and there's this epic trance music in the background going "mmts ahts mmts ahts"

I'm shooting for the latter.
(still playing the trance music in my head.)
On a lighter note, Miley Cyrus, who has been famous for about 3 years now, realeased her memoir last week. Wait.. Isn't she like, five?

Question of the blog:
Miley Cyrus's memoir: would you buy it? When do you think is appropriate age to write a memoir, and would you ever write one about your life?

A Formal Apology

To the guy who I accidentally cut off today,
I'm sorry. On very rare occasions, I am overwhelmed with the beauty of the music I am listening to, and when I come to a 4-way stop sign I don't realize who's turn it is. When this happens, I just space, and I think oh maybe it's my turn? So I go, but this time around, it was your turn. And you pulled out to go but I cut you off, and you made some rude gestures to me and a face like "wtf mate?"I didn't mean to cut you off, or ruin your day, or steal your turn. 
It was an honest mistake, and I hope you can forgive me. 
Know that if I could, I would have taken back that moment of stupidity and I would have let you go first. But time cannot be erased, nor mistakes like that be fixed. If I could have I would have gotten out of my car and given you a hug and said, "Oh, I'm such an idiot! Silly me! I'm sorry!" But alas, when in a car in the middle of the street, you must drive. Please accept this humble apology. I will be more careful from now on.
Love forever and always,
Alexandra Seal
(This might be the guy that I cut off. Maybe not, because I just found this picture on Google.)

Question of the Blog:
In a driving situation, are you the aggresive driver or the one that feels sorry for everything?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Connected! Connected! Protected! Protected!

This is going to be a quick, weird, random blog. So bear with me.
1. The title is from something my sister always sings. I miss her tonight.
2. In my quest to find Christian music that isn't played 3 billion times a day on the radio, I found some really nice songs... Except they were by a guy who is on the radio 3 billion times a day. Switchfoot lovers and haters: come together and listen to Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot. He has nice little side projects and this song is off of his album "Fall"

3. Sometimes I get these ideas where I think, "Wow, this blog is going to be awesome. What a great idea, Zandra!" And then I get on blogger and my friend had posted a blog about the same exact thing 5 minutes ago. Perf.
4. On that note, I might as well reiterate what my friend Jonathan wrote in his blog, that I love Spring Forward. Working at a restaurant, it was eery and annoying going to work as the sun was setting. I like when the sun sets at a reasonable time.
5. I watched Tarzan tonight. I am a baby when it comes to movies in general. Make it a Disney movie and the risk of me crying probably doubles. Put animals in that movie and There is no way I can't cry. I don't know what it is. Might as well add this video:

Question of the blog:
What movie (Disney or not) never ceases to make you cry every time you watch it?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Near and Dear

I was a lot like this little girl when I was her age... All about the kittens. So adorable.

 What was your favorite animal as a child?

To Zshoozsch

I have never been one to call my family "normal."
Actually, I think my family prides themselves with the fact that we are, honestly, weird.
One thing I love about my family, is the weird names we attach to inanimate objects. 
For example: My dad does this thing. This THING! that just drives us girls crazy. He will be typing on his computer and start saying something like, "Bel-Moor-Gae-Well-Zandra... Could you.." dot dot dot.. 10 seconds later, "yes dad?" ...10 seconds later, "Could you pass me that uh.." ...he keeps typing along... "DAD. What do you want?!?!" ... "Could you uh pass me uh.. that, those nose blowing things..." 
Tissues? Of course. I honestly think I could walk to Mexico, buy myself a burrito, and walk back before my dad gets his sentences together while he is on his computer.
Ever since then, we call tissues, "nose blowing things" every once in a while.
Another great example is the ...Remote. Man, that is weird to say. In my family, we call it the channel changer. Because, honestly, what else does it do? My boyfriend still thinks it's weird that we call it the channel changer.
My favorite example as of late is what we call this little blender we have. It is a handheld thing, and at the end is this really sharp spinny blade thing, and we use it to mix drinks (especially the milk I have which has a layer of solid cream on top. SICK.) and chop up little foods. Anyways, my dad and I can never really choose a name for it, because it's not really a blender, and it's not a mixer because it's too powerful for a wimpy name like that. So we call it the "zshoozscher." I wish I could have one of the pronunciation buttons right here, so you could hear how we say it. But basically, to zshoozsch something is to blend it with this little blending mixer contraption we have.
I have become so frustrated in trying to explain how this thing looks and sounds, that I will be posting a video of it soon. So keep hitting that refresh button, I'll have the video up as soon as I.. record it, and then upload it.

So here is the question of the day for all of my blog readers: What are some of the weird names your family calls inanimate objects like this? 

PS I think I am going to start asking questions at the end of every blog post. Yes? Reactions? Anyone out there? Am I just posting these to myself?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Power of Nature

I'll admit it, I am easily amazed, but I think it is because of this quote that I am this way:

So maybe I am not crazy after all. Nature is amazing. One of my favorite things is when I see flowers sprouting through cement. It is a clear display that no matter what we build over and cover up, nature is more powerful. I was watching this tv show with my dad a few weeks ago. It was about what will happen when man no longer exists on the earth, and in a matter of a few hundred years, buildings will topple over, all will rust over and decompose as plants and animals advance. The earth will go back to how it was in the beginning, and all that will be left of human existence is stainless steel and styrofoam. 
How beautiful is that? The earth will fix itself. It is its own band-aid.
Nature is a beautiful and powerful thing. So here is to you, my dear friendly flowers, you little ants and every cloud in the sky. You mean so much to this world. You have the power to break through cement, if you just plant your roots firmly. You have the power to create armies in the ground, when humans never know you're there. You bring moisture to those who need it, you travel around the world with the power of the wind, and you can destroy anything in your path if you are big enough.
I love the earth.