Sunday, December 28, 2008

Boredom Takes Over

Stole this from my friends at BYU. What interesting questions!

5 Random blurbs of my personal philosophy:

1. Everything is beautiful
2. Everything will fall into place
3. Music is all around us.
4. God will not leave you.
5. Learn real love, and then you will create peace in the world.

5 Questions circulating in my head right now:

1. How do I make myself motivated to get good grades?
2. What happens when Mike leaves?
3. How do I fix the relationships I have messed up recently...
4. Why am I not considering the lilies? 
5. Am I being unreasonably mean to myself lately?

5 lines that are currently stuck in my head:

1. Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free...
2. It all will fall, fall right into place.
3. I'm happy just because, I found out I am really no one.
4. Oh blessed am I, that I may sing thy devotion. Oh blessed am I, that I may sing. Oh blessed am I.
5. I believe in a free Narnia.

5 things that bother you:

1. Ingenuine smiles.
2. Plaque.
3. Bad parenting.
4. Apethy in friendships.
5. Knee caps.

5 things that I think about when I'm told to go to my happy place:

1. Sleep
2. Comfortable sofas
3. Looking at the stars
4. Cafe Mekka
5. Nicaragua

5 things I want people to know about myself

1. I don't care about myself, but if you hurt one of my friends I will stick it to the man.
2. I am constantly working on improving myself, whether it be physically, spiritually, or emotionally.
3. My life seems to be going to fast. 
4. I am overwhelmed by beauty. I cry often just because I am so captivated by God's imagination
5. What I want most in life is to be a wife, a mother, and a Christian. 

Christmas Travels

All is dark as we make our way to Sacramento. I wake up occasionally to Bella taking the entire back seat over, and I scrunch up to the window. Five in the morning. My thermos works  exceedingly well, and as I write this at 8:30 at night, I am finally able to drink the tea I made 15 1/2 hours ago. I woke up to fields all around us, and they were playing tricks on my eyes. Close to Bakersfield…We stopped at a Chevron station. In the bathroom, with no toilet seats (sick.), someone had scratched,
“Jesus is Lord -
Messiah -
Believe -
Repent -Live Forever”
Into the paper towel dispenser. Of course, we played the Chanticleer Christmas album, and sang along to it all. Oh, choir. How I miss you.

I feel like I should not be in my car, but Mike’s old Honda Civic with him, Annie, and Molly. We should be listening to Jason Mraz as we drive through the dinosaur mountains and making faces at everyone  in Philip’s car.
Over the summer, some of my best friends and I road tripped down to Seal Beach and went to Disneyland. We wanted to go again before Mike went on his mission and Brian did his internship, but it didn’t work out. Oh well. I would have liked to spend new years at Disneyland with them.
I’m glad to have these couple of days to spend with my grandparents, although I am sad I am not going to be in Disneyland tomorrow like we all wanted.

Chanticleer fills my ears with wonderful sounds.
Failed attempts at watching August Rush.
Chapters of Stardust.
We roll down the windows to feel the salty air, and my fly-aways tickle my face.
In Seal Beach, we go on an In N Out run. Always a must.
Christmas seems gone, and the beach is in eyesight.
My thoughts are scattered, and I want to be home for New Years… But I don’t think I will be…I wish I had internet at my grandparents.

As I look around here, I don’t think I could ever call Los Angeles home. Give me the mountains, small towns, community, winding roads and four seasons. The forest, and fields. Flannel for the cold nights. The River! The smell of nature and the rain. Clear nights where all the stars are shining for you. Small book stores. Yes, yes, yes!
I sit at Portfolio Café, drinking a latte and glancing down at my henna tattoos on my feet. I should probably cut my fingernails.

Tomorrow, we shall spend our gift cards like champs at Nordstrom Rack.
Lunch on the balcony of my great Uncle's apartment in Laguna Hills.
We will lay on the beach, but the water will surely be too cold to swim in.
I'll take my chances and wear my awesome yellow swimsuit, and wade in the waters of champions. 

Thursday, December 25, 2008

New Years Resolution

Ah, yes, another year has gone by. So fast, I might add. I remember writing 2008's New Years Resolution list like it was yesterday.. Here is the list, and look at all those completions. I feel so much more productive than I thought!

Resolutions for 2008
1. do what i want sometimes. - Completed.
2. dress in silly/pretty/things people may not like, any day. - Completed.
3. get lots of new music. - Completed
4. learn not to take the smallest things personally. -Sort Of Completed.
5. go to marble mountains and/or royal gorge this summer. - Failed.
6. watch more movies. -Sort Of Completed.
7. read more books. - Completed.
8. start using capitols and punctuations. - Completed
9. not sleep through chamber choir ANY MORE! - Completed.
10. stop being afraid that people will not like me. i realized that thats just life, and some people will like you and some people wont, and i shouldnt get as offended as i do. -Life Long Goal.

Hmm... What will 2009 bring me? I guess I should start planning. This resolutions list better be good, I have a feeling I will be learning and growing a lot. Yipes! Let's see...

Resolutions for 2009
1. Learn to be happy alone.
2. Get better sleep. Meaning no more staying up past 12:30 on a regular basis.
3. Spend lots of time with the little sister. When I was 13, I always felt very alone.
4. Improve/expand vocabulary. 'Nuff said.
5. If not work at Camp Hammer this summer, at least volunteer for 2 weeks.
6. Learn to control my emotions.
7. Stay fit!
8. Read more books.
9. Save money for new camera. Nikon D50? D80?
10. learn to stand up for myself. Do what is best for me!
11. Stop being afraid that people will not like me. I realized that thats just life, and some people will like you and some people wont, and I shouldn't get as offended as I do.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Blog Slump

Lately, the creative juices in my brain have not been working... and I have all these awesome ideas for blogs, but cannot write them well. I have drafts and drafts of these ridiculous half-blogs that are so not worth posting. Just wanted to say sorry for the delay but hopefully Christmas will get that creativity flowing again, if not Christmas, then Long Beach on the 27th! Holla!
Merry Christmas my dear blog readers!

Saturday, December 20, 2008


Tonight I had to work. And I was sick. Ugh. Worst.
And there was this party of 12 that came in.. That became a party of 20... That became a part of about 30 or so Grass Valley wonders of the world. Probably the least classy people I have ever seen. Let me tell you, I did not ever think I would see a party of people spend a total of $950 on sushi and sake. Just thought I would let you know that if you go to a small restaurant with that many people, get completely smashed and take up the entire room and scream and yell, I as your hostess will probably hate you. Just sayin.
On the bright side, I made bank tonight!
And tomorrow, bowling party with the sushi q friends! Huzzah!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Scratched Knees and Love Letters

"It's funny. This, uh... This necklace reminds me of this really random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was cryin' for one reason or another. And, she was just like, you know, cradling me and rocking me back and forth. I can remember seeing the little balls in this thing just floating back and forth. And, uh... And there was just, like, snot dripping down my nose, right? And, uh... She gave me her sleeve... and she told me to blow my nose into it. And I remember thinking, even as a little kid, like... 'Wow.. This is love.. This is love.'" (-Garden State; Written, Directed, and starred Zach Braff. Filmed in 2006)

The other day at church, in one of his sermons my dad was talking about comfort. describes the word comfort as to soothe, or reassure; relief in affliction; consolation. It's really too bad that the American culture has reduced the word comfort to that overstuffed, overflowing with cushion, tan sort-of-suade material lounge chair. The word comfort to us means sitting down on a huge sofa and watching tv.. But that's not comfort at all!
During my dad's sermon, he told a story about me. (Of course I can't tell it to you as well as he did, but I will try my best..)
It was the day our family left England, and I was four at the time. While we left church, we walked away from our village, all waving their hands goodbye. Everyone was crying, including us. As we came home, I was running to the house, and my four year old legs tripped and i scraped my knees on the gravel.
Turning around to look at my godmother, a stoutly and well fed woman, I stared with tear filled eyes, and I just ran to her. She took me up with her loving arms and held me as I cried, and she cried too, knowing that I was leaving so soon.

Gosh, even writing that story makes me cry. Not completely of sadness, because unfortunately my godmother died a few years ago, but of knowing that this woman loved me so much, that now when I think of comfort, I think of her. She was my first true memory of comfort and love. Her birthday was on Christmas day, so even though I am ecstatic about the holiday season, it makes me sad to know that my family can't call her after opening our Christmas presents to wish her a happy birthday and happy Christmas.
A few months back, my dad walks into my room and says, "I just found this...It was in on my
dresser.." It was a letter, and he didn't remember when it was from, I'm guessing just a few years back."You are all the world to me. You still brighten my life and I love you very much. All my love, Nellie."
Every time I read it, I cry. It makes me feel so loved, even now that she is gone. Her shaky writing from her arthritis, and the fact that she put in 20 US dollars for me.. I will never throw this letter away and I will always look back on it to remind myself of what comfort really is, and the love Nellie had for me. I still can't get myself to spend the money, or even put it in my wallet. That $20 has stayed with the letter.

This was like the hardest blog to post ever, and I've written it in pieces over the past week because it's been really emotional. It's really hard to find a person that you can truly find home with.. That was my godmother. I know I have found my comfort in other people, and I have found home in other places, this was just my first memory of it... And it will be in my heart forever.
Last week my friend Miles reminded me of a song I heard sooo long ago, and he and I have been listening to it a lot recently. So this blog is dedicated to the one I love, my dear godmother. Rest in peace. I love you forever.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Sacred Harp

I was first introduced to the Sacred Harp last year when I was in choir. The Chamber Choir sang two different hymns, and the power of the songs gave me chills. For those who don't know what Sacred Harp is, Wikipedia describes it as:
The Sacred Harp is a tunebook of sacred choral music, written using the 4-note shape note system, which originated from the Deep South region of the United States in the 19th century.

Sacred Harp groups always sing a cappella, that is to say, without accompanying instruments. The singers arrange themselves in a hollow square, with rows of chairs or pews on each side assigned to each of the four parts: treblealtotenor, andbass. The treble and tenor sections are usually mixed, with men and women singing the notes an octave apart.

There is no single leader or conductor; rather, the participants take turns in leading. The leader for a particular round selects a song from the book, and "calls" it by its page number. Leading is done in an open-palm style, standing in the middle of the square facing the tenors (see: Leading Sacred Harp music).

The pitch at which the music is sung is relative; there is no instrument to give the singers a starting point. The leader, or else some particular singer assigned to the task, finds a good pitch with which to begin and intones it to the group (see: Pitching Sacred Harp music). The singers reply with the opening notes of their own parts, and then the song begins immediately.

The music is usually sung not literally as it is printed in the book, but with certain deviations established by custom; see: How Sacred Harp music is sung.

As the name implies, Sacred Harp music is sacred (Protestant Christian) music. Many of the songs in the book are hymns that use words, meters, and stanzaic forms familiar from elsewhere in Protestant hymnody. However, Sacred Harp songs are quite different from "mainstream" Protestant hymns in their musical style: they are often polyphonic in texture, and the harmony tends to deemphasize the interval of the third in favor of fourths and fifths. In their melodies, the songs often use the pentatonic scale or similar "gapped" (fewer than seven-note) scales.

In their musical form, Sacred Harp songs fall into three basic types. Many are ordinary hymn tunes, mostly composed in four-bar phrases and sung in multiple verses. Fuguing tunes contain a prominent passage about 1/3 of the way through in which each of the four choral parts enters in succession, in a way resembling a fugueAnthems are longer songs, less regular in form, that are sung through just once rather than in multiple verses

It's so beautiful. Here are some videos of classic style Sacred Harp singers

Sacred Harp 159 Wondrous Love

Sacred Harp 146 Hallelujah, verses from Amazing Grace

Other links to really awesome Sacred Harp hymns:

What powerful music. I was thinking of maybe starting a Sacred Harp group in Nevada City... If you live here, would you be interested?

Two Thumbs Up for Work

Last night I basically worked with the best crew ever at work, but before that...

First, I thought i might as well bring up the fact that almost every night, after i brush my teeth, I crave ice cold water. I don't know what it is, but I will seriously have to drink 2 full glasses of ice water until I am completely satisfied. Random fact of the day =]

Moving on. I work at a sushi restaurant I'm not sure how long it's been around, like 10 years I think? It was one of the first sushi restaurants in my town so it is very popular in Nevada County and well known. Last night a lady came in and was like "I'm from San Francisco and my daughter said that this is the best sushi she's ever had in her life." So that's pretty cool! Working there, I'm like a popular kid! But that's beside the point. 
Last night I got to work with my favorite girls! Nikki and Sarah were the two waitresses, and they are both pregnant right now. Nikki is 6 months pregnant this week, and is getting pretty big! It's so lovely to see pregnant women just glowing because of it. They look even more beautiful than before! I also got to work with my friends Maiya and Alex, who are totally awesome and whenever I work with them, the time just totally flies by because we have so much fun!
One of the funniest parts of the night, besides a guy who came in that totally looked like a guy from a video game (picture a guy with SUPER long hair in a pony tail, and a black leather trench coat, with a really deep voice. He probably had war hammer weapons in his jacket or something. It was so silly!), was when I was clearing a table next to this party of 2 adults and 5 kids. The boys were talking about their favorite foods and this kid, in a very proud voice, says, "The only thing I eat is sushi!... Or lasagna!" 
Then they started talking about what they are allergic to. One started off saying, "I'm allergic to nuts" and then came the snowball effect that turned into all of them saying anything from, "I'm allergic to bracelets" to "I'm allergic to water!" I don't really know how you could 1 up anyone in that game. 
While I finished setting the table (I was still hung over the video game man) I started thinking, are zombies allergic to anything? Just a thought...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Vlog... Ooh Kitty!

Guys... I just bought a webcam! This is awesome!
See my A.D.D. in all its glory!
So maybe the whole vlogging thing didn't work out..

These are pretty cool!

So i probably will never post a vlog because I can't handle the concentration. But I just wanted to share the excitement of my new webcam! I hope this made you smile hahah =]

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Buddy the Elf, What's Your Favorite Color?

I am a total fan of the Christmas season. So much that I will play Christmas music year round... And many of my friends are bothered by it.. One of my favorite Christmas movies of all time HAS to be Elf. Seriously one of the funniest, most joyful and innocent films ever, that brightens my days.

Will Ferrell stars at the ever joyful Buddy the Elf, who was raised by Santa and his elves in the North Pole after crawling into Santa's bag as an infant. When Buddy finds out that he is a human, and his father lives in New York City, he goes on his quest to find him, so they can make gingerbread houses and hold hands and ice skate. He goes on tons of adventures while he's there, and meets Jovie, played by Zooey Deschanel (who I looove!). I would explain the whole movie... But it's so much better just to watch it.
Who can resist beautiful voices?? Seriously, best Christmas movie ever! Zooey Deschanel is so amazing!

Every scene is just SOOO hilarious! I don't even know what to write here, because it's too good to put in my own words.

So, this Christmas when you're at Blockbuster and thinking, "What amazing movie should I buy or rent that would be good for the whole family, yet still utterly hilarious and enchanting, that brings Christmas cheer to the nation?" Elf is the answer. Just sayin'.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Portraits! Yay! I love taking photos of friends, or little self-portraits to try out different editing techniques. Here are a few for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

More to come!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ode to Choir

Throughout my years in the Nevada Union Choir, I have listened to and sung MANY choral pieces. I have learned to appreciate choral music more than any other style. A few songs that I have heard, and a few that we in Chamber choir sang, have become some of my favorite songs I have ever heard, not only because of the way the music sounds, but of the poems they are written with. Here are a few videos of choirs singing my favorite songs and the poems they originated from.

Stars I Shall Find

There Will Be Rest
by Sara Teasdale

There will be rest, and sure stars shining
Over the roof-tops crowned with snow,
A reign of rest, serene forgetting,
The music of stillness holy and low.

I will make this world of my devising
Out of a dream in my lonely mind,
I shall find the crystal of peace, – above me
Stars I shall find.


by Rainer Maria Rilke (tr. Edward Snow)

The leaves are falling, falling as if from far off,
as if in the heavens distant gardens had withered:
they fall with gestures that say “no.”

And in the night the heavy earth falls
from all the stars into loneliness.
We are falling. This hand is falling.
And look at the others: it is in them all.

And yet there is One who holds this falling
with infinite softness in his hands.

Agnus Dei

"Agnus Dei, qui tolis peccata mundi, misere nobis. Agnus Dei, qui tolis peccata mundi, misere nobis. Agnus Dei, qui tolis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem."

(Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, grant us peace.)

I Am Not Yours

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

Go, Lovely Rose

Go, lovely Rose- Tell her that wastes her time and me,    
That now she knows, When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.
Tell her that's young, And shuns to have her graces spied,
That hadst thou sprung In deserts where no men abide,
Thou must have uncommended died.
Small is the worth Of beauty from the light retired:
Bid her come forth, Suffer herself to be desired,
And not blush so to be admired.
Then die-that she The common fate of all things rare
May read in thee; How small a part of time they share
That are so wondrous sweet and fair!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Love Letter

Dear reader,
No Shave November. Do It.

This is the month where you can just throw away that razor or tuck it away in the back of the cupboard, and you and I both can enjoy your wonderful facial hair for an entire 30 days. Tempting? Please consider.
Love Always,

On Politics

This is probably the only politic related blog I will ever post, but I just had to get it off my chest.
It is amazing to me that our country, the United States of say-too-much, can be swayed by something as little as single words. Change and Hope now automatically mean Obama. The middle name Hussein can change a person's vote. The fact that someone is a senior citizen means they shouldn't be president. Yet all of these insignificant things make such a difference in people's decisions on November 4th.
I'm not writing this to try and prove one presidential candidate is better than the other, who is correct in what matter, but rather just throwing it out there that this decision on who is going to lead our country for the next 4 to 8 years is more important than a music video with celebrities in it, or a slogan consisting of one word. I am saying this because I have yet to meet anyone my age with a legitimate reason for why they are voting for Obama. I guess they mean what they say when it is a "popular vote."
Now you can prove me wrong in the comment box below, but I just wanted to make it clear that I personally am not going to vote tomorrow on who i find the most physically appealling, and things like black or white, bald or a head full of hair, is not going to sway my decision. I am not going to place my vote because of how much positive feedback a video on YouTube got.
It has taken me up to today to figure out who I will be voting for on election day.. and I am proud to say I am not voting ignorantly about it like most first time voters are doing. I am not endorsing any candidate here, I am just urging you to vote for who you want to, not Scarlett Johansson. Vote wisely, and don't complain about who wins.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Come with me and I will take you to Narnia.
Wear your best outfit, we must look impressive on this journey.
Wear your prettiest dress with moccasins, with a head band,
And braid your hair.
Leave your jacket at home,
but bring the shawl the birds made for you.
We will meet at the foot of the mountains,
And hike the trail to Archenland and rest there,
to Narnia.
I know of some beavers on the way, that will show us where all the most delicious fruits and vegetables are, and cinnamon, and we will put flowers in our hair.

And Aslan will greet us so sweetly,
And we will hold his fur tight,

And He will say,
"Welcome home."

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Quite Possibly the Cause of the End of the World, If It's Really Happening.

Today I went to Briar Patch for lunch, one of my favorite grocery stores that sells the BEST mac and cheese in the little cafeteria section. Alas, mac and cheese was not out there, so I chose something else.
I moved to the drink section, and really wanted a root beer but the Honest Tea caught my eye, and it was only a dollar! So of course I chose that, paid for everything, and sat down to eat.
Yum, the raspberry dessert was delicious.
And then, I opened the bottle of Honest Tea.
Pomegranate Red Tea with Goji Berry.

It honestly,
I wanted to HURL, but I couldn't because I was sitting next to a ton of people. But seriously, I got sick to my stomach and could not take another sip. I'm pretty sure that stuff could be used in torture chambers or something. It is repulsive.
Honest Tea, you have lost my trust.
Warning: Honest Tea Pomegranate Red Tea with Goji Berry may cause the following: Global warming, world hunger, worst dressed lists, loss in appetite, questioning the meaning of life, intestinal disintegration, or bleeding at the fingertips.
If too much is consumed, call 911 immediately. Could be a major cause of the end of ze world.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Science Libs

So today in science, we learned about rocks. Attention Deficit Disorder + Rocks = Zero Productivity. Stina sent me a note on the back of one of her English papers about the fundamentals of writing an essay. I looked at it, and all of a sudden, a light bulb appeared above my head. Ding! Turn it into a Mad Lib! I crossed out a bunch of words, and wrote the grammatical .. function? below it, and Stina filled in the words. Enjoy =]

Topic Sentence 1) Weird Al needs to make sure that bananas are crunching the same pace. If not, then the crystals need to provide after school programs.
Supporting 1) For Example, if the Peni are failing are failing a game or some classes, they can go get love from the after school program.
2)The White House needs to have regular testing center where the Presidents can test.
3) Another example, by pimping the after Mac-Daddy program available for the homies, then the homies will want to go get crunk.
Topic Sentence 2) Arm hair needs to make sure that Kyle is growing their homework.
1) If it's disgusting, parents need to jump their kids' TV so the kids won't be licking as much. Then they can focus on their pillow.
2) Also, aliens might need to be in the same BYU with their girls to stop, so that they do their love making.
3) For example, probes can hit their lazers down and have a good laugh with their birds about the importance of getting good chair in robot.
Topic Sentence 3) Tuft Man at school needs to be harsher on his girlfriend who is no listening enough in class.
Supporting 1) One example, squish the kids who are not focusing enough to stay after school and help them figure out what the universe might be.
2) Frank Decourten might want to have a lecture on how important it is to stay in Uranus!
3) Another example, Sex therapists need to give more toys to the students that are not focusing in class.
Conclusion Sentence) I believe that it's the spoon and the Brussel Sprouts's responsibility to be more aware of the students' rocket ship.

I forgot how much i loved doing mad libs as a kid... and a teenager. I remember sooo many choir trips were filled with mad libs... I've really have to find all those.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

One Two Three. I Love You.

I am dedicating this blog to every adorable animal on planet earth. You make me smile.

Raccoons. Yes, they knock over your trash cans and scare you with the thought of rabies, but they are SO cute. baby little eyes and those little ears, and bandit masks. soooooo adorable!

I am pretty sure I have only been graced by the presence of one of these little guys once, and that was a bad moment (he was sort of attacking my dog in mid-daylight. and my mom threw the nearest thing to her at it. And it was my jewelry box I was painting. After that we threw it away.)

I just want a million little raccoon babies that can be my pets. And they would never grow up, because we all know that baby animals are better than grossy old ones.

Squirrels. They scurry. They run along your fence all the day long. They are the cutest things ever. Bushy tails and little hands, perfect balance. I want one. Pretty please!

After seeing all those cute little squirrels in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I was sold. Love them.

Kittens. Need I say more?

These little creatures have brought me joy since day one. Soft fur and awesome reflexes. always land on their feet. 9 lives. Always willing to cuddle. Independent.

Everyone likes dogs for some reason. yeah they're cute and all... but they are such children. I mean really. It's all about them. Cats are more like adults, they go to the bathroom when they want to, and don't whine about it to you. They clean themselves, so you don't have to. Dogs are nice and all... But consider the kitties.

Also, there is no other species like the cat. From the Tiger to the household cat, they have the same bone structure. That's amazing! Big kitty little kitty yet so alike!

Want to see the cutest/silliest cats ever?

One. Two. Three. I. Love. You. Raccoons. Squirrels. Kitties. Me. Wants. All.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Oh Snap.

This blog is dedicated to all of the things that scare me, in hopes that you will understand me a little bit better. Although it might just do the complete opposite and you will think I am more strange and dramatic than before.

1. I am afraid of my debit card being declined in public. I would be completely humiliated if that happened, and in turn I rarely use my debit card, especially for large purchases.
2. Being a letdown to my family. I strive to be accepted by people, a lot of the time I try much to hard and hurt myself by doing so, but my family's acceptance is more important to me than anyone else's. The thought of disappointing my parents has probably produced more stress in my life than anything else. Although I know that they will always love me no matter what, I am a doubting Thomas.
3. I am scared of driving at night. One of my biggest fears is hitting an animal (the worst would be a kitty or a squirrel) and being responsible for their death. That and a horror film coming true, and like, a little girl appears in the middle of the road and her eyes are all white or something. I don't even know. I try not to let my imagination run wild while I am driving at night.
4. I am afraid of big dogs. I worry that they have more strength than me and they generally have excess hair that sheds on my nice clothes. I am also afraid for little children when they are around large dogs.
5. Getting in a car accident/being pulled over. I am afraid of talking to strangers, talking to policemen, and since I don't know any policemen personally, I would encounter both. I am afraid of pulling over and I think that the first time i am pulled over or get in an accident, I will probably have an anxiety attack.
6. Never getting married. No real explanation there.
7. Living alone. I am afraid of everything when I am alone, and if I had to live like that on a daily basis, I'm not sure how I would survive.
8. Camping in tents. I am scared that a murderer will come and kill me... Honestly. I'm just scared. Actually, camping in general creeps me out.
9. I am afraid that I will not be able to succeed in the Dental field, and will be stuck with a crappy job like a barista or something.
10. I am afraid of eyes. I cannot watch someone touch their eye. I cannot watch someone put in contacts. I cannot use eye drops. I cannot even read about the scientific descriptions of how eyes work.
11. I am scared of hurting the earth. I do my best, recycling and unplugging things that aren't being used, but I wish I was Amish sometimes because they don't have the guilt of destroying the earth by gas and metal balloons and plastic ties that wrap around fish in the sea and kill them.
12. I am afraid of my life being cut off short before I tell people how I truly feel about them. I suppose I could solve this by just telling them now...But sometimes it is very difficult.
13. My deepest darkest secrets will be revealed. Nuff said.

I'll post more later. those are some of the most intense fears though.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Life Advice 101

The one great thing about working at Caroline's Coffee, was the relationships I built from it. Not just with my coworkers, but my customers. Indian Spice man, who worked across the street. Caramel Mocha Freeze girl, who faithfully came in almost every day. Tina, and her husband Dick, she would always get a 16 oz. black and white mocha, with the powder, with whipped cream. Paul, who got a 12 oz double capp "a liiittle on the wet side." His coffee club card, is phenomenal. I will take a picture next time I am at Caroline's. Hundreds of little tick marks for all of the cappucinos he has ordered at big store.
Who could forget Big Dog? always a G. even though he's like 50. And the trumpet player outside, who will be forever remembered by leaving a 5 minute message that consisted of the same few sentences, "Trace... I play the trumpet outside, outside of the Caroline's store... Yeah, Trace, I play the trumpet and I have a question... You see, Trace, I play the trumpet...." The older couple who always ordered a mocha freeze, and a white mocha freeze. they always got the extras in another cup. They asked me such interesting questions, that brought back so many memories. (See my first blog, it is about this couple.)
And Dave. Oh, Dave. Who couldn't love that gentle giant? Dave, with missing teeth and his dedication to JC Pennies sales. His "loveee," Lisa. And all of his advice for me. Oh, the hours I have spent listening to Dave ramble on and on about nothing. His creepy laugh, and the little whistle that comes along with every "s" he says. All of the random life advice I have gotten from my customers is probably more than I have gotten from my parents or close friends.. I will display a few here.

"Alexandra, you need to marry a Mark." -Dave

"Alexandra, you look like Cleopatra with this hair. Like Alexandra in Egypt." -Dave

"Don't marry for money. Don't marry for love. Marry for both, in case one runs out." -Dave (He literally tells me this every time he sees me.)

"JC Pennies is the place to go, for everything." -Dave

"I can't buy more clothes, I already have too many! I gotta wear out the ones I have first!" -Dave, on shopping at JC Pennies. He wears the same outfit every day.

"You have to marry your best friend. It's easy to love someone, it's harder to like someone. Everything else will run out, and in the end you are left with your best friend. You have to be best friends." -Tina and Dick

I dedicate this blog to Dave, my faithful customer and advice giver. Without him I would be a lost soul.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Take Heart

I am reading a chapter of Matthew every day (I think I already mentioned this) and today, reading chapter 9, I read,

Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you."

Sometimes I feel like God is speaking right to me through something that was written SO long ago, but I know that I'm not the only one who feels that. It is that everything is so relative, I am not alone in my struggles. I need to have faith and all my troubles and problems will be healed. Maybe not in this world or by my time, but everything through God.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Text Your Secret

I am a big fan of Post Secret, an online community where people send their secrets on a postcard to a man by the name of Frank. He posts them on his site ( and every Sunday there is a new batch up. I was reading his blog and he asked the question, could you text a stranger your secret? I thought about it, and i gave it a try. It was nice to know someone knew a secret, but could never hold it against me because we didn't know each other. I put myself out there, and gave people the opportunity to text me. This has been an eye-opening experience. None of them are from numbers I know, none in area codes I know either. These are the ones i have received so far:

"The most beautiful thing on this earth to me besides my girlfriend (who I'm losing) is my kitty rose"
I sent this person a text back, and he responded with a photo of his cat. She really was beautiful.

"I miss the imaginary friends i had as a child now tht im older i feel like part of me is missing"

"I have many friends but the truth is I dont really think too highly of any of them. Most are simply there for entertainment."

"I am transforming my body so that when he returns from australia he might think of me as more than a friend."

"I wish i was as confident and as beautiful as i pretend to be."

"I assume that every single person i love will leave me."

"I have fallen in love with the person I told myself i wouldn't, and I could care less."

Reading these has been so nice. I like the thought of being the keeper of others secrets. And I'll be sure to add more as people send me their secrets.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A Day In the Life

One of my favorite places to study, or even to just sit and read or hang out with friends, is a cafe in Nevada City called Cafe Mekka. The environment is so peaceful and it has a feel to it that you are home. Today, I was studying the book of Matthew, chapter 5. It is one of my favorite chapters, and is Jesus's sermon on the mount. This is a very important part in the new testament because Jesus gives us a TON of direction in our lives, all in one sermon. He covers everything from anger to divorce, to love and enemies. Once i had finished reading his sermon, I decided to read a chapter out of the Book of Mormon. One of my very close friends gave me the book, and I told him I would read it so I could learn more about his faith. It is so interesting to read about other faiths and religions. Anyways, I was reading 2 Nephi 2 today when 4 British tourists came into Mekka and sat next to me. They were so adorable, in their early 50s, and talking about the tees they bought today and drinking coca cola. My friend Cara Sether walked by, asked what I was doing, and I told her "i'm trying to study the Book of Mormon, but the old english is so hard to interprate!" and the British tourists said, "Oh believe me, (so and so) book is much more difficult!" and the tourists and I got into a conversation. I told them that I was born in Peterborough and two of them said simultaneously, "Good grief!" The four actually lived in a village 40 miles away from there! We chatted a little more, about dental hygiene and accents, and went their separate ways. I've never really enjoyed talking to strangers, but I love talking to English people. Brits are just so kind and lovely! Besides sleeping through my class this morning (kill me), today has been really good. Plain bagel toasted with butter, iced chai tea, studying the bible, learning about other religions, British folk, and i bought a new pair of Toms shoes, and a Toms shirt. Brilliant! I hope work goes well tonight!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dad's Dream

This was sooo long ago, but I still look back on this blog i posted on MySpace and laugh. If you know my father, he is a world traveler, and loves other countries. And although he knows so much, he tells everything with a peaceful and knowing voice. this morning was defintely not like him, and I will always remember this!

May 9, 2007

This morning when i woke up, i walked into the living room with some cocoa pebbles and my dad comes running in and goes I NEED FOOD! so he grabs a matzo and tells me this dream. its from his point of view, and he dictated this all to me, so none of it was fabricated. minus the fact that it was a dream.

"I was staying in Istanbul but I was sleeping outside in this ruined ancient building and it was on a small cliff about 20 feet high and for some reason I never fell off. And then I went to go to a Hamman which was supposedly in my dream the cool place for 20 somethings to go in Istanbul for some reason. Although the building was about 20 feet long, there were tons and tons of people going in because they would go downstairs into an underground dance club. Then I went into a store to buy some clothes and for some reason I took off my trousers in front of everybody to try some shorts on. My trousers were dark green cargo pants with shiny black plastic netting over them, and somehow I lost them, or they got stolen. I thought I lost my wallet which had all my credit cards and passport and I couldn't remember where I left my luggage. And suddenly Istanbul was turned into Palermo and suddenly I had my luggage back, but I had to figure out how to get to Rome to the airport, which is like, from San Diego to Sacramento in distance. So I walk into a parking lot and there is Chris Britton talking to his daughter Rebecca in a car. And for some reason Chris had put on clown makeup and he had put it on himself and didn't really do a good job. For some reason they were living in Palermo. So I ask him if he can take me to Rome and he says yes. So then for some reason a nice guy puts all my stuff into Chris's car which for some reason had transformed from a Mini to a truck, and one of the things he put in was a bag of luggage full of Airborne, and said 'you can drink this on the plane, except that you wont be able to roll up your trousers above your ankles.' Then we were driving around Palermo to leave for Rome and my last words were, 'I love this place.'"

I love my dad =]

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Thermos

Today, after a 5 month battle, I finally broke down and bought the Thermos I had been drooling over at work. For some reason I hate spending money for myself, and am a little more comfortable but still anxious about spending for others. I find a sort of comfort in my hard earned money, and it is not as though I have greed over it, or lust after other things, I am just so afraid that if I do spend my money, I will need the money for something important later and not have it. Also, I am really afraid of somehow overdrawing my account and being denied of a purchase in public. All of this is besides the point. I bought this beauty today, and I am so ecstatic. I should probably take this as a sign that I need a life and/or friends if I am this excited about a thermos, and blog about it. But really, it is so sleek. So sexy. So BA. And it has a lifetime warranty. Perfect? Quite possibly. I am satisfied.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Finding God, Part 1,

One of my favorite things to do is take photos. Whether it is just taking candids of my friends, setting them up as models in a shoot, or capturing beautiful things all around me... Here are some of my photos.

Moorea. Camp Hammer. 2008

Phoenix. Camp Hammer. 2008

Ah-Yeah. Camp Hammer. 2008

Stinger. Camp Hammer. 2008

Canadian Coin. 2008

Miles. Yuba River. 2008

Fireworks. Fourth of July. 2008

Night. Long Beach. 2008

Sunset. Grass Valley. 2008

Clouds. Grass Valley. 2008

Bella. Long Beach. 2006.

Piano. Long Beach. 2005

Bella. Long Beach. 2008

Sunglasses. Long Beach. 2008

Stone. Yuba River. 2008

Flying Over Cuba. 2008

Wine. Nevada City. 2007

Sunset. Point Loma. 2007

Jillian. Nevada City. 2008

Moorea. Grass Valley. 2007

Kitty Paw. Nevada City. 2007

Cafe Mekka. Nevada City. 2007

Getty Museum. Los Angeles. 2007

Moorea. Laguna Hills. 2007

Nutmeg the Squirrel. Long Beach. 2007

I'll upload more later.