Thursday, December 30, 2010

Leading Ladies

As I spend my evening catching up on my most guilty pleasure shows and eating gluten free cinnamon raisin bread (surprisingly delicious), I though I might post something to hold you over for a few days. My best friend and I will be taking a trip to South Lake Tahoe for new years, and I am terribly excited.
Tonight, as I was driving home from the wake of a wonderful friend, I was discussing the topic of dream wives with an old friend from camp. As he laid down his list, which included Kesha and Joanna Newsom (of which I told him to never put the two in the same sentence again.. Joanna is a goddess), I thought I'd think up my own lesbian lovers list.. Which took about 5 seconds.

1. My definite number one is Mary-Kate Olsen. She is simply divine. I have been in love with MK since I can remember living in America. My sister Moorea and I used to watch the Olsen videos, and Moorea (named Ashley at the time) was always Ashley, and I was MK. And how incredible that in her 24 years on earth she and her sister have created an empire on their names? Her episodes in Weeds, as well as parts in The Wackness and Factory Girl... In conclusion, it's meant to be.

2. Natalie Portman is next in line. Not only is she an amazing actress but she is stunning, and can rap. And she gets triple points for being one of the only women on this earth that can rock a shaved head better than any man. She is beyond fierce. Garden State, Paris Je T'aime, V for Vendetta... You mesmerize me.

3. The third on my list is always up for change, but currently Jessica Zsohr is in the lead. I have a deep dark obsession with Gossip Girl. I admit it. I love it! Primarily for the fashion, and then next up for all the beautiful people that are in love with each other, of which I'd never have a chance at any of them. So I live vicariously through my computer and 72 minute intervals of Megavideo.

Question of the blog:
Fess up ladies and gents, who is your woman/man crush?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Everything is white, and forest green, and a silver blue-gray.
I'm driving, it's warm inside and my heart is full and I can see that today is the day after a storm, with everything fresh and serene. We are muted, like I pressed a button on the remote, but I'm smiling and laughing, watching myself from the back seat. Mountain air and the feeling of a new day.
As we make ourselves up a hill, I see a semi coming down towards us, its body buckling. The front and rear are horizontal to the road, coming towards us and I know there is nothing we can do but look upwards. And I turn to you, and I look at your eyes which match the trees behind you, and you are afraid.
The sun is shining through the trees and the view pans out, to a beautiful landscape, separated by a thin line of humanity.
I say to you,
"Things are going to be okay."
I show you I love you, and reassure you. "Be calm, and rest." I am smiling, and I see pure joy flowing out of me and surrounding you. The air is still, and I look around all around us, to see things changing. The snow on the ground and in the trees, taking shape into the feathers of the most beautiful bird. Radiant wings of all that surrounded us, down to our own bodies.
This was the transfiguration of our lives.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Echoes of Better Days

Allow me to rant.
I like that we talk. Thoughts run in my mind like a moth as it revolves around the light. Easily frustrated by a cube, but when it's on paper, one through nine, I find beauty in repetition. All I want to say is that they don't really care about us. Memorial tomorrow. I will be with old friends and I will mourn and remember a friend who was overflowing with joy. Ready to travel. Tonight, I believe in true love. Confidence tonight. Loneliness. Navy, camel, rose. I'm hearting things aimlessly. Chopsticks and good conversation filled the evening.

By Itself

Singular: adj
1. Of or relating to a separate person or thing: individual
2. Of, or relating to, or being a word form denoting one person, thing or instance (a singular noun)
3. Of or relating to a single instance or to something considered by itself

Monday, December 27, 2010

i need a fix 'cause i'm going down
nwod gniog m'i esuac' xif a deen i
going down
nwod gniog

Hey, Buddies

(The Great Buddies, in the maroon staff shirt. Biggest, craziest heart.)

Not prepared to let you go.
I'll be missing you, Buddies.
Darick Sprague
August 8, 1990 - December 25, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

In Black and White

More photos from my engagement photo session with Selene and Andrew. I will be posting these as I finish editing them.

Question of the blog:
If you are not married yet, are you the type of person that has their weddings all planned out already, or would you rather not think of it until the time comes?
If you are married, how long did it take to plan your wedding?

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Love. Selene and Andrew, taken by me. December 2010


(Image via WeHeartIt)

Cause I'm Lookin' Up.. Lookin' For Somethin' To Fall.

The other day, I cried. But you know what? Fuck that day. That's why God, or whoever, makes other days.
From the movie Precious 2009

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

In Two's.

Second ever engagement photo session with a couple. Wish me luck today.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Blood Tests

Dear Needles,
I don't really like you. I mean you do great things like pierce my nose and save people and stuff, but you kinda freak me out. While you sucked up my blood today for a panel of sorts, you made me all woozy and lightheaded. I got all pale and shaky, and you know, I really didn't like it. I hope one day that medicine advances so that they can test my body from something other than my blood. I'm carrying precious cargo and I've only got a few pints in there, and I'm not willing to share with you.
Alexandra Seal

Life Lessons

(image via Tumblr)

My Side

Finally well rested today.
I've been having a hard time sleeping while I'm at home. Maybe I've just been missing my bed at school, which is big and warm and comfortable. I have two twins put together and a nice little mattress pad which keeps me oh so cozy at night.
Nevertheless, yesterday as I finally slept in a comfortable bed, I realized, I'm a right sided bed sleeper. So this blog is my question to you.

Question of the blog:
If you're facing the bed at the foot of it, which side of the bed do you sleep on? Left, right, or do
you take it all over?

(All images via WeHeartIt)

Monday, December 20, 2010


As Seen In A Dream

Greg Martin.
I want to take photos like this one day.

More art by Greg Martin

Question of the blog:
Music, drawing, dancing, photography, etc.. Which form of artwork draws your attention the most?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

On The Tree

Put the lights on the tree.
The tree went up, the lights came on, and tomorrow we will decorate.

It's been a good winter break so far.
New clothes, gluten free mac n' cheese, photos with sister.

I'm reminding myself to stay busy.
Make plans, keep them, follow through, and have a good time.

(All images from WeHeartIt)

Question of the blog:
What SMELL reminds you of Christmas?

where the heart is

no need to say a word
you have a home with me

Saturday, December 18, 2010

much needed day with my most favorite friend.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

In My Life

The summary of my first semester in San Diego:
Unpacking. Solana Beach. Swimming. Sun kissed skin. Adjustments. Dropping. Birthdays. New friends. Stars. Giants. Designated driving. Tears. Travels. Miramar. Ocean days. Disneyland fireworks. Photoshoots. Family visits. Sushi. Apple pie. Losing you. Stepping out. New places. Basketball. Disposable cameras. Halloween. Tattoos. Dress up parties. Dream interpretation. World Series. Independence confused with loneliness. Girls nights. Solo road trips. Christmas traditions. Chalk.

Question of the blog:
How would you summarize the last 5 months?

Keep It

Keep life meaningful

Ocean tomorrow.
Splashing in the waves, clouds overhead, but that's okay, because I like it and that's what makes me feel like I'm at home.

Question of the blog:
I like the feeling of really cold ocean water. When it hits my skin, I get this rush of emotion that bursts out of my body in laughter. I laugh uncontrollably as I shiver in the water.
What is something that makes you genuinely laugh?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

Lucasfilm Ltd.

a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dreams Sent To Me

Late at night I wander
Across the street and down the road
I hum myself a little tune
Till my racing heart has finally slowed
I've felt a little lonely
In crowds or rooms filled just with me
Time spent on my own
More than ever it seems to be
But as time progresses

It seems my crowds prefer me gone
Proportioned time

But I'm not deserving of that prison
So I'll be far enough away before the dawn

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dear Ambellina,

Pray for us all


spring 2011

i will be successful next semester.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I'd Have A Lot of Nickels

Visiting Miles in San Luis Obispo, the happiest place in the US.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I have not unpacked since arriving in San Diego.
I have yet to even wash my hair.
Something tells me my heart was left somewhere on the coast of California.


It's the new rage, so we hear..

Monday, November 29, 2010

Going Right

Miles D. Buckley and I wrote and recorded last week. Listen here!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Dream Interpreters Welcome

I was there, with you, in an apartment unlike the real one. There was a small dog, and as I held it, I saw his wire teeth, sharp and metal. They bit into my hand and my life blood was pouring out, all of it. I went outside. I got a phone call. We talked like nothing ever happened, you sounded just like yourself, your voice so clear it was as though you were right next to me. We were friends, it was so beautiful. I went to my sibling's apartment, but she left me. I was there with my father, and out of nowhere came a young, pretty little black cat. I was scared, I didn't know what to do. I put her in the bathroom, but the door was raised so high from the ground I knew the cat could escape. Panicked, I called my sister to ask what to do, and she was shocked to hear of a cat in her house. She was convinced the cat had hatched from an egg under her bed, that her previous cat must have laid the egg before she left. Frantic, I pushed a towel under the door of the bathroom so the cat would not escape, and my first thought was, she is starving. I ran down the street, so afraid I would be the cause of the death of this poor kitten. My legs became weak and wobbly, I lost myself trying to find a Petco. I found it, and as I walked in, a girl from my past walked by. She was pregnant, and looked beautiful. I was unnoticed. I could not find the food for the kitten. As I ran to the last aisle, my legs giving out, I began to wake up.

Stay asleep.. Stay asleep.

I made my own destiny now. My legs were strong. I knew exactly where the food was, and I had enough money to buy her the best. As I walked out, my favorite family from my childhood was there, they were celebrating in a crowd. They were joyful, for the first time in years. We saw each other, and I smiled. I was running home to feed the cat, and then I opened my eyes.
I was much younger than I am today.

Monday, November 22, 2010

See, Smell, Feel

Snow. Fireplaces. Warm brownies. Incense. Clean laundry. Kitty cats. Warm lighting.
This is my home.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Dear San Diego,
Bye. I think today I'll make my way up the coast today. See you on the 29th, sucka!
Love always,

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

After Day, After Day

wake up. stretch. smile. open. dress. drink. wander. search. give. receive. create. learn. understand. attempt. sing. listen. pray. set. meet. interpret. create. destroy. shine. undress. lay. dream.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's The Smell Of Coming Home

"The smell of fresh cut grass makes me feel like everything is going to be okay."

Sunday, November 14, 2010


It's November, and I have no idea what I am doing.

But life keeps going, and the world keeps turning,
the waves keep crashing, the sun keeps rising,
the days keep passing, I keep smiling,
you keep loving me. Please.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

How Good?

Friends like you? So good.

Big Heart

Don't you ever underestimate a girl like me.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Open Up

star wars shirt. running shorts. it's a funny day, with the wind blowing and the sun shining like it does every november. walking down the road, i can't help but smile. it's that still silence of the trees and fields. i'm shaky from the coffee i drank an hour ago. van morrison fills my ear. i'll take your advice and say fuck it all. tomorrow i'll chat with the art institute of seattle, los angeles, new england. what will i do, i'm not quite sure to be honest. lick my lips, pull up my hair into that messy bun you used to love. sit down at my computer and i write about children, and families, and communities, and societies. it's fun. next door my neighbors smoke in the living room, and they enjoy every second of it. and they love it and i love them and they love me. in the library, love is blooming from germany to norway and i can feel them smiling from here. it's the sound of going home. i'm in love with today and with you. thank you. beautiful ideas spill out of my mind onto this keyboard and come out completely wrong, but here it is. the french don't say i love you, but rather i am in love. that's what i am today. with nothing in particular, but with everything. and everyone. i don't have a lot, but that's what i do have. guitar strings without voices. sometimes this is just what i need. nothing is okay but i know it will be, and that's okay for now.
I'll be fine, just not here.

Go, lovely rose.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

You Are In Me

You are reading in the sunlight
As the warmth surrounds your shoulderblades
Look up to see me smiling
And as I open my mouth to say a word
You bring your finger to your lip
To quiet my mind
Draw me in, like agape
Miss you no more, you are with me
Inside my heart still beats
Lean into your chest and you let me rest
Exasperated breaths slow, I am calm
As you sing me your lullaby once again
And I am drifting off to sleep

Question of the blog:
Who knows you better than yourself?

The Day The Sun Was Shining

Good morning.
Eight wakes me. Existence greets me with community, and others. They clap their hands, we greet each other. I hear songs from my past, widening my heart to accept your gift. Young people, babies, love, doing their best. Thoughts jumble my mind and my stomach. Grape juice in cups that remind me of my past. My heart yearns and I open myself up. Broken cisterns. Come fill me. It's 10:30.
Jon Foreman guides me up North. I park in my favorite spot. Walk in shaking, too much coffee, or something else. It is All Saint's Day, and the occasion sends us to the Book of Common Prayer. I am home, as we say the prayers I have spoken since the day I could read. I am overwhelmed. We sing my favorite hymns.
Disregard everything, just listen.

Darkness Before The Dawn

jd, i see what you see.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

the heart

im coming home, i promise.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Seasons Will Change

You are my summer.
but what should i do when youre not there, and all i need in the world is that comfort of your presence? you are all around me, no, i am all around you. i think i am starting to see, the only time you come back is when i pull away. a constant game of tug of war. will this go on for all eternity? will we always have to play these games to get that one moment of pleasure? the quest to feel complete has left me empty.
It is the fall.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Imaginary You

you came for me, but i am nowhere to be found. i was there long before you were ready. timing never works in our hands.
internal monologues have been spoken all day.

Question of the blog:
do you have internal monologues?


Giants won the World Series this year, so my friend Brian and 3 other nice kids got tattoos.

Ah, the therapeutic burn.
We went to Propaganda Tattoo on Voltaire Street in San Diego. Such a wonderful place with a great vibe and even better people. How small is this world? Well, Steve, one of the tattoo artists, heard Brian talking about the 5-3-0 (my area code) and said, "Oh, Grass Valley? I lived there for 13 years." CRAZY. He talked all about The Crazy Horse and all of his good times hanging out by my old work. He spoke about Scary Jerry and mutual friends, and the Del Oro theatre.
It was good to have a moment back at home.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Storm Is Coming, Frank Says.

How can I say it any better? Looking down, the water curls into itself. Record highs. It swallows me whole as I focus on my heart beat. On wooden planks over the ocean, ready to be taken away. Old souls, mixed up mind, and again the pier shakes like an earthquake. The water rises, then falls. I am still looking down. As the host stares into me, I try to turn away, but I am drawn to you. Power and pain. Close to tragedy. Putting my walls up in preparation for the storm. I don't want it. I separate. I look to my cornerstone, who embraces it all. To be ready and willing for all things, oh how I long to be more like you. I can see a lot of life in you. Remain facing the waves, like a bird, plunging into the water. Do you look back at me? Let me rest. I am not afraid to die, to see you.

At last.