Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I Was Born To Do This

One year since I said "thank you" to you, as Aunt Judy held the phone to your ear. I wept. I still do. But I never forgot what you asked of me. You have watched how your death did not halt my life, my adventures. In fact, your death only inspired me to live louder.
In the last year, I became a server at an incredible restaurant. I took charge, and was a great leader in my work place. I took risks in my relationships, and traveled for them. You inspired me to love unconditionally, and I worked hard for what I thought was right. I still work hard for what is right. You told me to not give up on myself, and I didn't. I wish I could tell you in person how heartbreaking and empowering it was to make the choice to move where I wanted. I wish I could call you up and cry about how much I miss certain things, people, situations. Including you. You would be so proud of the unconditional love I am learning to give to children. You would be proud that I tried my very hardest in massage school. A few years before you even became ill the first time, you wrote my dad a letter. In it, you said that we weren't allowed to miss you too much, because "this is what I was born to do." Highly spiritual, so beyond what I can fathom, your connection to God is one I yearn for.
But today, you would say that I have the Can't Help Its. And it's true. Because today, all I would really like is you again.
My sweet Gaga, grandmother, Betty Louise Houston Seal.