Both Sides Now

It's raining. The sun in shining and the rain is pouring down.

My blinds are open, and I watch the rain like it's the last thing I'll do on this earth. It's the last thing I expected to see. A thirst the ground yearns so much for, is finally quenched. As I look outside at this beauty, I look at the other flats around my school. Every blind is closed, I am alone. I am alone to experience this moment, and wouldn't have it any other way. Stripes of water down my windows, and now it's gone.

I Love You More

in my life

We Don't Know Which Way To Go

Maybe we should take it slow.

Now We Are Six

You are listened to. I hear you, and I see you. You are with me, and you are understood. No matter the space, this presence is continuous.

Empty eyes look towards my open hands. We sit in the same place, time after time. As the sun shifts, my mind is the earth that rotates from dark to light, repetitively.

Blistered skin on my thumb from the lighter. Flick, flick, light the candles. Brilliant flames top the cake for your birthday. To sing for you, to smile and to sit with you.

Look back into time to feel my feet on the dashboard. It is summer time, and I see mornings driving down the hill. The smile on my face is warm, like the passing clouds.

Lift your face up to the sky in pain, as karma digs deep into your soul. Profuse apologies, as I try to reassure you, it is all going to be okay. You are okay, come back now.

A head that always aches. A heart that is in mourning. The work in progress, that never seems to find progression. Draped in feeling and forgiveness. Meticulous markings.

Question of the blog:

What words do you use to describe:

1. Your best friend

2. Someone you lost

3. A beautiful person

4. Yourself

Hands

She reminds me,

in the church they light the candles,

and the wax falls down like tears.

Hands together, reaching to the sky,

you are the free association.

Fingers reach through the pattern,

open the weave to see what's inside.

California Knows How To Party

It's that time of year...

The weather starts to change..

You know you're in Southern California in the Fall when girls are wearing mini skirts with their Ugg Boots.

Despite this and other nauseating moments in California's history, one of our biggest redeeming qualities are the songs that are written about California. So sit back and enjoy some of my favorite California dedicated tunes.

Joni Mitchell - California (Live 1970)

Phantom Planet - California (2001)

Joanna Newsom - In California (2010)

Tupac Shakur - California Love (1995)

Question of the blog:

What state are you from?

Do you have any favorite songs written for your state/city?

Don't Have To Get My Tooth Fixed

Weezy Baby,

If the tooth fairy goes into early retirement, I'm blaming you.

Yours Truly,

Alexandra Seal

Good morning, ocean.

It's nice to see you at this hour.

Network

I may have posted this before.. But my dear friend Justin reminded me of it today.

Shivers, every time. Everybody knows things are bad.

I'm a human being. My life has value.

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore.

From The Past

(June 2008)

high hopes.

Hollow Chest

Little one, with cold hands,

colors changing in and out

as the sun lays to rest.

Circles painted up the walls,

move with shadows around,

deep inside this hollow chest.

Silence moves about the room,

so painful and still on my skin,

pull me from East to West.

Damned to be what could have,

it's twilight now, I have to go,

damaged, at best.

Time is running out.

Pacific

Thoughtful Thursday

Brie, apple, crackers.

Angels and Demons.

Lemonade and comforters.

Low lights, cool air.

Happy to be on my own, in my space, good thoughts, warm face. Movie nights by myself.

Little Whispers

Into my ear, I hear a faint whisper

The most lovely voice, and a smile behind it,

Telling me this,

Good morning, Alexandra.

Mysteries.

That is my favorite word.

Question of the blog:

What is your favorite word in the English language?

Finding Hope and Joy

There are some things I didn't think I'd miss.. In fact, they didn't even come to mind..

But this morning, as I was leaning over the toilet and couldn't throw up, I had wished more than anything I could have had my dad there to bring me saltines and tell me everything was going to be okay. That's something I really miss today.

I got a package a few hours later, from my father, with a book I left at home.

"Always remember:

Joy is not merely incidental to

your spiritual quest.

It is vital."

-Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Lost As A Candle, Lit At Noon

lost as a light is lost in light.

Close For Comfort

i lay my head to think and pray

my body is wrapped like a cocoon

blankets hold my body tight

and my hair falls onto the deep purple

the sheets so beautiful and melancholy

as my eyes close, i feel a hand

placed gently on my head

so soft, such comfort in his hand

i try to close my eyes for as long as i can

knowing that when i open them,

the feeling of his hand will be gone

physically gone.

but in my heart, HIS HAND IS HERE.

Weather Report

San Diegans think it's jacket season... It was sixty degrees outside.

Back In Business

Welcome back, septum. I've missed you and the meaning you hold.

Eyes to the sky.

Question of the blog:

Do you have any piercings? Do they hold any specific meanings to you?

Robin

Robin pulls me in close, with her long arms and honest smile.

"You look like you needed a hug," she says as she lets me go.

She pours her innocent love into me.

Picasso

Videos shoot images into my mind

Of sharp lines scratched into the edge

Create a jagged separation between light and dark

No poetry to describe the harsh outlines in and outside

As nausea creeps up your neck and water pulls you in

Definition seems useless in a fight to recreate what was

And all that's left is broken dreams and waving hands goodbye.

What you say is beauty is nothing but loss

Something slowly entering into it's last stages

As I think these things, I am reminded by strings and songs

"And there's a joy, a joy in all I can see

A joy, in every possibility."