Eyes Of You

Image via WeHeartIt

And I'm eye to eye with the most terrifying stranger from the most comfortable past.

Loves Of My Life

xoxo
Me, Bella, Moorea
Nevada County Fair
Grass Valley, CA
August 2011

Celebrations

So, who's going to be Sushi Q's newest waitress pretty soon? THIS GIRL. I cannot tell you how happy I am.

Boots and cats-ing. Because I can.

The Moon Was Out

But you asked for it, and here we are. You told me so, so I

(Image via WeHeartIt)

Question of the blog:

Do you have a fear of heights?

Love To Someone Else

I suppose it means I'm not enough...


Or maybe, it's just him.

-Betty Draper, Mad Men

Forward.

Starting new chapters of life, letting old ones go.
Today marks the day where I put my deposit down for massage school. On October 22nd, I will have my certificate in massage therapy. My choice, my money, my goals. I didn't need anyone else, but I wanted and kept a few for the ride. Thank you, to those very few people that stayed, and that love me.

Sometimes I'm not sure how to catch my blog up on my life, and it comes out this half-ass thank you, and a resemblance of some list of calendar events. Sorry about that.

Question of the blog:
What's your next move? (Up to your own interpretation)

COME

UNITY

Terrible Twosome

And we are right at home.

Just you and me, pups. 

Question of the blog:

Who is your other half of your fearsome twosome? 

Finish this sentence: It's just you and me, _______

Body Clock Renovation 2011

Yaaawn!
Alright, who of you has a hard time waking up in the mornings? It's okay, I'm right there with you.
My grandmother passed away two weeks ago. She was the epitome of class, service, charm, and generosity.. And she did it all on time, with happiness, and in style. I am so inspired by her life, and I want to make some changes. My first changes have started with those three things, being on time, being happy while I do it, and doing it in style.
I just purchased my first real watch, a Michael Kors wrist watch, that's so blingin' and beautiful. My grandmother was a servant to all, especially in the education field for Southeast Asians after the huge immigration to Long Beach in the 80s. She offered so many ways to help, to teach, and to serve other people, and always did it in a manner that was humble, but not to the point of letting herself go. She had her signature red nail polish, as I blogged about before. She always had her hair done and respectable clothes and shoes. It wasn't in the fashion of looking down on those who didn't have it, but she just liked it, and she knew she deserved it. So, my wrist watch is part one of my lesson on how to live in style while also living a life that is primarily for other people. I am a servant, and I love to serve, and I love everyone.
Moving on. Being on time, guys. This is my ultimate goal. I am the type of girl that is so much more pleasant to be around when I've woken up at 10:30 am, but you know, that just isn't going to cut it anymore. I need to wake up earlier. So today marks the day of my BODY CLOCK RENOVATION 2011, where I will be waking up early and starting my day early and loving it in the process. Last night, I successfully made it to bed by 10:45, and was out by 11 pm. Despite having very realistic dreams (not nightmares. There's a difference) of the zombiepocalypse, I woke up at 8 am, drank some tea, woke Moorea up, and now, at 9 am, we are out the door to walk The Newo Pups and read at Broad Street Books, a dog friendly cafe in downtown. I am overjoyed with the thought that in a few minutes I will get some real caffeine in me, because it is way to early for me to be awake. NAY! It is just the right time for me to be awake! And I'm going to learn to love it!

Question of the blog:
What is your ideal wake up time?

Candy Apple Red

For almost my entire life, I saw candy apple red nail polish on my grandmother's nails. It was her signature look, the perfect tie to any outfit. For her funeral, the girls in our family painted our nails that same color. The candy apple red lives on.

Question of the blog:

We all have a special person, whether it's a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or godparent, or someone just close to the family. Search deep in your memories.. Who is a special person in your life, and what is their signature? Nail polish, hat, lipstick, shoes...

The Newo Pups Adventurer

I am eternally grateful for my darling dog, Newo. I adopted her right before I left on my magnificent trip. This first photo, above, was taken on our first night camping together, in Mount Shasta, in Northern California. We played, hiked, built fires, and took the best cat naps ever.

Above, our time in Silver Falls State Park, in Oregon. So rainy, so beautiful. One of the nights I opened a bottle of rose wine to sip on after my small dinner, and read my book. Of course, I forgot a cup on my trip, so I was just drinking out of the bottle. About 45 minutes later, I look down to see I'm on my last chapter of my book, and I have an empty bottle. Needless to say, I was totally drunk. I happened to be reading Where The Red Fern Grows, all about the love between a dog and its master. For those of you who haven't read it, the last chapter is probably the most depressing end to a novel EVER. I spent the evening SOBBING alone in my tent with Newo.

This classy photo was taken in Seattle, Washington. I spent a little over a week with my wonderful sister Moorea. We had a great 4th of July, I helped model for her jewelry store, and Newo made TONS of friends. We were very sad to leave Moorea and Max, Newo's two biggest fans. She lovesss Auntie Moorea.

To be completely honest, this was the most pointless and frustrating part of our trip. I KNEW that the forest spirits or karma or omens or whatever did NOT want me at Heyburn State Park, in Northern Idaho, but I did not listen. After three days, hundreds of mosquito bites, locking my keys in my car, going hungry for 12 hours, Newo and I got out of there as soon as we possibly could. This photo captured the only smile of the trip.

Montana was amazing. Undoubtedly the best part of my entire summer adventure. Here we are, looking wonderful as always, in Lewis and Clark Caverns State Park, in South Western Montana. Newo had gotten that ball from my package of Dog Chow and it drove me absolutely nuts, but she loved it. Every day for the 5 days we were in Montana, there was an afternoon thunderstorm either overhead, or off in the distance. The time this photo was taken, it was sunny overhead, and maybe a couple of football fields away, there were huge storm clouds and lightning and thunder. We read outside in the warm sunshine as the thunder groaned. It was lovely.

We went to see some of my favorite friends in Rexburg, Eastern Idaho. Newo loved it here, because she had so many friends who wanted to play! We stayed with my favorite little married couple, who are expecting, and they were such lovely hosts. This is us at Rigby Lake, enjoying the sunshine and being annoying to Newo as always. She puts up with so much.

A truly horrendous night occurred 12 hours before this photo was taken. We went to see my friends in South Lake Tahoe, which turned out to be one night of awesome and one night of not so awesome. They knighted me with the name "Zandgrr", a personality of mine that has only been shown twice to them. Newo loved them, too. At least I had a nice lemon drop that night.

I just got back from a trip to San Diego and Long Beach, and unfortunately did not take any photos of Newo on those trips. San Diego was great, though, and we had a lovely time with some old friends that I missed very much. My trip to Long Beach was very important, as it was for the funeral and burial of my sweet sweet grandmother, whom I call Gaga. We stayed at my cousin's house, and he has a dog as well. Lhamo and Newo got along SO well, and I feel as though she finally made a real dog friend. Her very first one! I am so proud. This photo, above, was taken at the Yuba River in Nevada City. Bella and I camped at the river for the night. About an hour after this photo was taken, my grandmother departed this world. I miss her very much.

This concludes story time with Newo and Alexandra. But in fact, it's really just beginning!

I love my girl so much. Through our travels, we have grown very close, and I am so grateful she and I have ended up together. The Newo Pups has traveled 6 states with me this summer, and we intend to keep traveling around the US in the future. Since being home, we do a lot of river trips and visits to friends nearby. I can't wait to see where the road takes us next.

Question of the blog:

Where did you last travel to?

& What is your favorite form of transportation?

The World Forgetting, By the World Forgot.

Please..

Please..

Please

l e t

m e

keep

t h i s

memory.

coup d'état

Ganymede's Abduction, Image Via WeHeartIt

What was once spoken is now silence

And your voice is like an echo in my mind.

You put up your words of defense

And I forget dreams, they're left behind.

The sight is gone from my eyes

I am blinded by a future without you.

Our past is slowly filled by lies

Your sudden revolt, the brilliant coup.

So now I cover my mouth, eyes, ears

And try to move past regret.

Though through thick and thin, all those years

I do not think I'll forever forget.

Southbound

Image via WeHeartIt

June gloom rests low to the ground,

and sends the mist my way

south of Oceanside

I am alone inside, transforming,

learning present emotions

from convenience charge

And blossoms appear from the past,

blooming from hands and hearts

as I am held by my home

Sweet echoes are sent down paths,

I hold my breath to hear return

and smile when she responds

Words

Image via WeHeartIt

And I won't stay very long...

But you are the life I needed all along,

I think of you as my brother,

although that sounds dumb..

And words are futile devices.

Time To Go

Photo by Alexandra Seal

Heyburn State Park, Northern Idaho

And it seems as though life has sent me south again. To be honest, I'm bitter. I want to leave, and go to where I feel I'm wanted. I'm angry you've left me stranded here, too self-absorbed to neither fight with or for me. I'll drive south with the one that's never let me down, to be with those who make me feel stable.

It's time that I take my negative energy and put it to use somewhere else, somewhere positive, with good intentions.

But oh how I yearn to speak with you just one more time. But how you erased me, I must do the same. Self preservation at its finest.

The truth is, I miss my friendships, but I've got to move on from the ones with obvious expiration dates.

Question of the blog:

Who has been your longest standing friend?

One Two Three

Photograph by Alexandra Seal

Smith Rock State Park, Oregon

Swing Sets and Potato Soup

My grandfather said it was as if she stood up and walked out the room, leaving her body behind. Aunt Judy held the phone up to her ear, and I said thank you. Spending hours sitting on my bed, I search through hundreds of old photographs from England, looking for her. I pile, scan, crop, edit, post, for my family and for myself. I find comfort in the photographs. She had called me Amelia Earhart for what I had been doing all summer. I was going to call her and tell her I was coming down next week, but she left before I did, and now she is calling me to come down anyways. Always sweet, always tender. My heart yearns for a sneeze, and a second one, just so I can hear you say, "Want to try for three?" Or even just an "I love you be careful" before I hang up the phone. I want to eat our favorite potato soup from Hof's Hut together. I want you to tell me how this dress looks, see if you'd approve of it for next Thursday. A lady that looked like you told me that you would think it looked great on me. Today at the airport, a mother pushed her son in a stroller towards his grandmother. As she was turned around, he yelled with arms wide open, "Granny! Granny!" She turned, and with the sweetest smile on her face, started crying. As she held her grandson in her arms, I yearned for one last embrace from you. My Gaga. I want you to be at my wedding one day. I want you to meet my dog. I want you to wipe away my tears and sing me to sleep, because you always knew how to calm me when I was weepy. My emotions run through my veins.

You are with me. Please, be with me.

1.28.25-8.7.11

Question of the blog:

Who have you lost?

Through The Mist

Deschutes River, Bend, Oregon

I am betrayed and forgotten, I am loved and cared for.

Continually growing. It's time.