Fritzles Froozdays

If I had a daily/minutely blog like my sister Moorea, that is what I would name today's.
If you have not already read her blog, check it out here:
http://ruminationread.blogspot.com/

But what I really was planning on posting about was my craving for a new pair of jeans. Some days, you just want a new pair of jeans to spice up your life. I am awaiting a new pair so I can throw out about 2 or 3 that I don't ever wear.
I searched online all night long for destroyed boyfriend denim that was inexpensive. Can you believe people are willing to spend $185 on a pair of jeans? No thank you. I'm thinking $40 maximum.
Alas, I can't find any that fit my style.. Whatever that is. But I did find these this morning. They may not be as destroyed as I like them, but a few days in the wilderness can change that. And yeah.. They're in the boys section. But that's what I'm looking for!



Hollister + Alexandra = Weird. But they are cute, so there we go. And on clearance for $40! But I only have $75 in my bank account until my next paycheck.
Feeling financially secure > Denim.
Woe is me.

Technical Difficulties

Something is wrong with my Blog account...
The Html is not available no matter what computer I use.
The autosave isn't working
One of my blogs messed up the little comment links below every blog I post, and now they are bright blue.
This is all very frustrating because I have a blog I want to post with lots of pictures and stuff, but can't because of my technical difficulties =[
So keep checking up on this... Hopefully I'll have it fixed soon.
Or if you could help me fix these problems that would be brilliant!
Thank you,
Alexandra

Hate Mail Part 2

Dear Alexandra Seal,

We would also like to point out how retarded you are because you bought Volume 1 of your history book when you were supposed to buy Volume 2. Now you can't do your homework that is due tomorrow. You will have to pay another $100 or so for this new book, and since you bought the loose leaf Volume 1, it is basically worthless and can't be exchanged for like anything.

Just reminding you, if you fail this or any class this semester, we will kick you out of Sierra for at least a semester, and will have to petition your way back in.

Best of luck,
Sierra College

Hate Mail

Today I got a letter in the mail. It sort of went like this.


Dear Alexandra Seal,

Congratulations on your sixth month with your boyfriend today! In honor of this glorious occasion, we are letting you know you are now on academic suspension for the next year and a half. You should drop a class you are now in, preferably ceramics, the class you chose to take instead of a yet another difficult class, to prevent you from getting stressed out.

Instead you can take a class intended for fellow retarded students who failed a class last semester, because you obviously have some learning to do. In this class you will learn how to properly manage your time and how to generally not fail at life.

We thought that your life is going so smoothly right now with losing your Saturday night shift at work, and the fact you are in dire need of 1. a new phone, 2. a new bedroom door, 3. a new car and 4. possibly a new life if obtainable, not to mention you feeling completely useless and that you have lost far too many friends recently, that this would be really great for your self confidence and over all well being.

We also forgot to mention your crazy change in diet because soy and other processed foods have messed up your organs so badly. But don't blame us for that. Besides the fact that the Cabrillo Dental Hygiene program has a two year wait list and our counselors didn't tell you that, that just means you get to stay here even longer! More quality time between us, my greatly appreciated friend!

Sorry about the printer in the computer lab not working this morning, and that you were late to the class with the scariest teacher known to mankind. But good news! Along with all of this, we would also like to give you a ticket for your car for not having a valid permit visible.

Have a great day, oh and the parking violation needs to be paid within the next 21 days.

Love Always,

Sierra College

HUTTAH!

Take that, messed up organs!
This morning for breakfast I had
1. Biscuits with REAL butter
2. All natural yogurt with fruit
3. Pom with lychee green tea
4. 3 Cod Live Oil pills.
Breakfast of champions.
My body better start working normally fast.
This diet is expensive.
(Not losing weight diet.
Fixing my organs and making me healthier diet.)
By the way, don't drink soy. Ever.
I will post a blog about this very soon.

I am feeling especially chipper today, and I'm not sure why. last night I had time to forget about my horrible week, so hopefully that night continues on to today. Let's hope for the best.

Lotus Temple

This is the prettiest building ever.

The Bahá'í House of Worship in Delhi, India, popularly known as the Lotus Temple, was completed in 1986 and serves as the Mother Temple of the Indian Subcontinent. It has won numerous architectural awards and been featured in hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles.

As with all other Bahá'í houses of worship, the Lotus Temple is open to all regardless of religion, or any other distinction, as emphasized in Bahá'í texts. The Bahá'í laws emphasize that the spirit of the House of Worship be that it is a gathering place where people of all religions may worship God without denominational restrictions.

The nine doors of the Lotus Temple open onto a central hall, capable of holding up to 2,500 people. The central hall is slightly more than 40 meters tall and its surface is made of white marble. The House of Worship, along with the nine surrounding ponds and the gardens around comprise 26 acres.

On Hindu holy days, it has drawn as many as 150,000 people; it welcomes four million visitors each year (about 13,000 every day or 9 every minute). It is known as the most visited building in India, and has about 4 million visitors a year.

Lotus meanings

Indian lotus flower
According to the Indian culture the lotus flower denotes prosperity knowledge and learning, fruitfulness and illumination. According to the Hindu mythology, the lotus flower is associated with Goddess Lakshmi, the goddess of wisdom and generosity. She is often portrayed as sitting on a completely blossomed lotus that gives a sense of purity to her form.
Eastern lotus flower
The Lotus flower is viewed as a representation of spirituality according to the eastern culture. The lotus flower is often viewed as a symbol of aspirations to rise towards the light as the roots of the lotus flower has its roots in the mud but it grows in the upward direction.
Egyptian lotus flower
According to the Egyptian culture the lotus flower symbol was known by the name of 'Sesan'. As per the mythology of Egypt the lotus flower symbolized the sun as well as formation and revival.
Christian lotus flower
The lotus flower is a representation of piousness and fertility. The lily flower in the Christian culture basically replaces the lotus flower. The lily flower according to the Christian culture is associated with Mary who is known as the queen of heaven.

I would love to visit the Lotus Temple in my lifetime. I think it is so wonderful that it is not exclusive to just one religion. Just a peace filled place where anyone can meditate and coexist. How beautiful is that?

Thought For The Day

Or maybe lifetime.


Phil Wickham - Divine Romance

Maybe our universe is just a teensy explosion inside a jar of an alien, an infinite time bigger than us.
Maybe we are nothing at all.. and I have been dreaming this whole thing up.
Maybe God doesn't exist..
But at least I will die with life knowing I lived as if there was one.
And I will die knowing I lived a life that was faithful and loving,
where I tried my best.
I will have lived a life that was worthy to what our minds and souls have felt as God.
I will have practiced peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.
I will have bettered the planet, and changed someone, if even just one person's, life.
Maybe God doesn't exist...
But I can't deny something that I see, feel, crave, and need every day of my life.
I have found my God and he is in no place in particular. He is all around me.
Not just in the place where I worship on Sundays,
or where I bend my knees down to pray.
My God is all around me,
Through the trees of the forests I walk through,
and the roads that I drive on when I want to get lost.
My God is in the smile that greets me in the mornings on my way to class,
the tears that overwhelm me with the feeling of true beauty.
The drink that is so sweet to my lips,
and the warm food that fills my cold body after a long winter day.
The clothes that cover this oftentimes lifeless body.
He is all around me, like music in the wind and the freshness of water.
Sometimes I think, maybe God doesn't exist at all..
But something lives in my heart that is inaudibly beautiful.
Something that is unexplainable and leaves me dumbfounded most of the time.
But it is the power of peace and harmony which passes all understanding..
the power which is intertwined in every fiber of my being.

Style A.D.D.

My mind is going crazy today.
I want a change. I feel as though I am in a style rut. Every 6 months or so I get really tired of how I look.. Everything from hairstyle to earrings to makeup to clothes to shoes.
I am in that tired state right now...
Maybe dye? No... I'm trying to stay subtle for now, I don't want to do something too drastic. (Blondification of 2006)
Cut my hair? No no no. I am satisfied with my long hair. (Drastic cut of 2006)
I could burst out in colors again.. Although I looked like the ultimate high schooler. Possibly junior high schooler. (2006)
I could go back to daily scarves... But those are super in right now. (Spunkmaster Z of 2007)
Blech. So over matchy matchy. I was so baby. (2005?)

Earrings? Took my gauges out, again. Maybe I will start wearing my big earrings again. (Oct. 08)
Or I could at least start doing my hair pretty from time to time.. (Feb. 2008)
I feel like it was just last month that I felt completely awesome and somewhat stylish.. Wait.. I DID feel completely awesome and somewhat stylish last month! I need a change!
Must think of cool new awesome style or at least a new one that makes me feel unique and pretty!
I just bought some really cute flouncy clothes, lots of purples and blacks... Maybe movies and books will give me inspiration. I will update my fellow readers soon on my discoveries.


Cool Alexandra, 2007?
Flirty Alexandra, 2006

Military Alexandra, 2006
Funky Alexandra, 2007
I was so cute once.

Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts.

Hi. 

Today is the first day of Sierra College's spring semester 2009. Music Appreciation class = awesome. My friend Justin wants to take a voice class with me, so I might drop out of Ceramics. But then I would have to take another class because Voice is only 2 units and I need 3. So then I was thinking I could just take the math class I have been dreading, because I failed it last semester.

I just want to cry. I don't like school. I want to be a mom. I want to be a wife. I want to be a Christian. I would settle for a crappy job to have those things.. But then I think about the women I know that never went to college, and I feel like they live such deprived lives. They are stuck at home, and can't find a job now that their kids are out of the house. 

I have to go to college. I just hate it so much. It is the first day of the semester and I am already thinking like this! I want to take the math class because I feel to some extent I am letting my family down by taking easy classes. Yet I feel worse when I take hard classes and fail them.

Looking on the Cabrillo website, huzzah for the 2 year program to get my dental hygiene squared away! But holy crap... 5 days a week for 2 years from 8 am to 5 pm. And there is a 2 year wait. What will I do for 2 years? 

I keep thinking about how over Winter break, a few of my friends said to me, "Zandra, you better be out of Nevada County by the time I get home from my mission." "Promise me you won't become even more of a townie."

I want to just crawl in a little hole and cry right now. Today I feel hopeless. Sierra sucks. Classes suck. Math sucks. Sushi Q sucks. Nevada County sucks. Everything sucks. I am such a child. I keep thinking about the dark night of the soul and wonder, how crappy does my life have to get to feel like that? I guess we'll see come April. I am thinking happy thoughts.. I am thinking happy thoughts...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.. Freshly baked cookies with a cold glass of milk.. napping all day with my favorite person.. Hearing new music that's sweet to my ear... Beautiful Sunday mornings and my dad's sermons... Think happy thoughts, Alexandra..

Romeo and Juliet, from the movie Reefer Madness.

More and More I have been hearing songs on the radio and Romeo and Juliet. More and more do I get frustrated with the incompetency of this country. Does anyone realize that

Very Interesting

My Celebrity Look-alikes. 

Jessica Alba? Beyonce Knowles? All of these people are way too good looking. Some of my friends have done this and they look SO similar to celebrities. I don't think I look like any of these people! 

Go Away. It Is Well. You Are Not Back There.

Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!

I just woke up from the most stressful dream. My phone (like always) freaked out and wouldn't stop playing the song I use for my alarm, and now it is off as I write this.

I don't really know where to start, so I guess the best way to say it is, most people didn't like me when I was in middle school. I was not popular. In 6th grade my friends alienated me for a new girl, and spent their lunches running away from me so that I didn't have anyone to eat lunch with. I felt completely and utterly alone sometimes. That's when I got the first signs of depression.

My dream was set in present day, and I don't really know what the event was, but it was with everyone I graduated with. We were in a big venue that reminded me more of a house than anything else. I could not find any of my friends, so I went into this dining room and sat with people that I went to middle school with. As I walked in, I could remember a story about every one of them.. I wrote that guy a secret love letter. That girl hated me. He dated my friend when he knew I liked him. 

I sat down at the last chair in the farthest corner. I started eating my food, trying to join in in conversation, but nobody listened. After what seemed like eternity, Ronnie Nolan, sitting next to me, turned and said, "Yeah.. I hope you still don't hate any of us." I had this flood of memories that brought me back to when I felt completely, and sincerely alone. I was, at that table, alone once again. As I was about to speak, another girl piped in and said, "You're still the same girl as you were then."

I'm still the same middle schooler that everyone hated. I'm still that girl with short hair and the bandanas. I'm still the one that never had lunchables. 
I turned to her, and I really wish I could have remembered what I said in the dream, because it was epic. I stood up for my middle school self, telling her I was not the same girl but even then I was too good for them. As tension rised I could feel more and more eyes on me. No, not on me, on little 6th grade Alexandra with short hair, no boobs, and crooked teeth. 

That girl sitting a few seats down for me was making me relive my nightmare one more time. And I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless, no one was there to protect or comfort me. The best I had were Ronnie Nolan and Kemp Stanford looking at each other like, "what do we do?"

The girl and I got up. She was sick of talking over people. As she came in closer to me, my heart started beating faster. She told me I was worthless. I haven't grown up. I never will. She told me I was ugly. I told myself all of this.

As I got more and more angry, I told her what I had wanted to tell everyone back in middle school.. "Why don't you just hit me? Why do you have to say all of these things?" I said it with force. It was a beautiful, angry force coming out of my mouth.

As I went in to hit her, I realized her size. She is so much bigger than me... What am I doing.. Why am I here. Why did I ever sit with these people, the people who brought so much pain in my life. I throw my last attempt at her. 

"You are useless. You always have been."

I have given up.

I turn back to Ronnie and Kemp and say, "You are forgiven."

I walk like a child taking its first steps.

The Predatory Wasp Of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!

I jolt awake.

My cell phone will not stop playing.

Go away. Go away. It is well, Alexandra. You are eighteen. You are not back there. 

You are not back there.

It is well. I am eighteen. I am not back there.

I am not back there.

I am not back there.