Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hate Mail

Today I got a letter in the mail. It sort of went like this.


Dear Alexandra Seal,

Congratulations on your sixth month with your boyfriend today! In honor of this glorious occasion, we are letting you know you are now on academic suspension for the next year and a half. You should drop a class you are now in, preferably ceramics, the class you chose to take instead of a yet another difficult class, to prevent you from getting stressed out.

Instead you can take a class intended for fellow retarded students who failed a class last semester, because you obviously have some learning to do. In this class you will learn how to properly manage your time and how to generally not fail at life.

We thought that your life is going so smoothly right now with losing your Saturday night shift at work, and the fact you are in dire need of 1. a new phone, 2. a new bedroom door, 3. a new car and 4. possibly a new life if obtainable, not to mention you feeling completely useless and that you have lost far too many friends recently, that this would be really great for your self confidence and over all well being.

We also forgot to mention your crazy change in diet because soy and other processed foods have messed up your organs so badly. But don't blame us for that. Besides the fact that the Cabrillo Dental Hygiene program has a two year wait list and our counselors didn't tell you that, that just means you get to stay here even longer! More quality time between us, my greatly appreciated friend!

Sorry about the printer in the computer lab not working this morning, and that you were late to the class with the scariest teacher known to mankind. But good news! Along with all of this, we would also like to give you a ticket for your car for not having a valid permit visible.

Have a great day, oh and the parking violation needs to be paid within the next 21 days.

Love Always,

Sierra College

5 comments:

MiSaO1990 said...

Aww Z! This is insane!! I'm sorry!

Andy said...

Gotta love Sierra College. They're so personable, ya know?

christopher rector said...

intersting way to tell your story. always so artistic Z. maybe sometime soon we could do coffee, annnd chat about this

Moorea Seal said...

DUMB!

ok, when i get home, you and i are going to have some hardcore sister time. i am going to give you a boost in life ok? things will be better. sometimes, life is just shit. i want to help scoop a little shit out of your life. <3

miles b. said...

Possibly your saddest.. But also one of my fave posts. Your personality comes out a lot in this one