Oh Snap.

This blog is dedicated to all of the things that scare me, in hopes that you will understand me a little bit better. Although it might just do the complete opposite and you will think I am more strange and dramatic than before.

1. I am afraid of my debit card being declined in public. I would be completely humiliated if that happened, and in turn I rarely use my debit card, especially for large purchases.
2. Being a letdown to my family. I strive to be accepted by people, a lot of the time I try much to hard and hurt myself by doing so, but my family's acceptance is more important to me than anyone else's. The thought of disappointing my parents has probably produced more stress in my life than anything else. Although I know that they will always love me no matter what, I am a doubting Thomas.
3. I am scared of driving at night. One of my biggest fears is hitting an animal (the worst would be a kitty or a squirrel) and being responsible for their death. That and a horror film coming true, and like, a little girl appears in the middle of the road and her eyes are all white or something. I don't even know. I try not to let my imagination run wild while I am driving at night.
4. I am afraid of big dogs. I worry that they have more strength than me and they generally have excess hair that sheds on my nice clothes. I am also afraid for little children when they are around large dogs.
5. Getting in a car accident/being pulled over. I am afraid of talking to strangers, talking to policemen, and since I don't know any policemen personally, I would encounter both. I am afraid of pulling over and I think that the first time i am pulled over or get in an accident, I will probably have an anxiety attack.
6. Never getting married. No real explanation there.
7. Living alone. I am afraid of everything when I am alone, and if I had to live like that on a daily basis, I'm not sure how I would survive.
8. Camping in tents. I am scared that a murderer will come and kill me... Honestly. I'm just scared. Actually, camping in general creeps me out.
9. I am afraid that I will not be able to succeed in the Dental field, and will be stuck with a crappy job like a barista or something.
10. I am afraid of eyes. I cannot watch someone touch their eye. I cannot watch someone put in contacts. I cannot use eye drops. I cannot even read about the scientific descriptions of how eyes work.
11. I am scared of hurting the earth. I do my best, recycling and unplugging things that aren't being used, but I wish I was Amish sometimes because they don't have the guilt of destroying the earth by gas and metal balloons and plastic ties that wrap around fish in the sea and kill them.
12. I am afraid of my life being cut off short before I tell people how I truly feel about them. I suppose I could solve this by just telling them now...But sometimes it is very difficult.
13. My deepest darkest secrets will be revealed. Nuff said.

I'll post more later. those are some of the most intense fears though.

Life Advice 101

The one great thing about working at Caroline's Coffee, was the relationships I built from it. Not just with my coworkers, but my customers. Indian Spice man, who worked across the street. Caramel Mocha Freeze girl, who faithfully came in almost every day. Tina, and her husband Dick, she would always get a 16 oz. black and white mocha, with the powder, with whipped cream. Paul, who got a 12 oz double capp "a liiittle on the wet side." His coffee club card, is phenomenal. I will take a picture next time I am at Caroline's. Hundreds of little tick marks for all of the cappucinos he has ordered at big store.
Who could forget Big Dog? always a G. even though he's like 50. And the trumpet player outside, who will be forever remembered by leaving a 5 minute message that consisted of the same few sentences, "Trace... I play the trumpet outside, outside of the Caroline's store... Yeah, Trace, I play the trumpet and I have a question... You see, Trace, I play the trumpet...." The older couple who always ordered a mocha freeze, and a white mocha freeze. they always got the extras in another cup. They asked me such interesting questions, that brought back so many memories. (See my first blog, it is about this couple.)
And Dave. Oh, Dave. Who couldn't love that gentle giant? Dave, with missing teeth and his dedication to JC Pennies sales. His "loveee," Lisa. And all of his advice for me. Oh, the hours I have spent listening to Dave ramble on and on about nothing. His creepy laugh, and the little whistle that comes along with every "s" he says. All of the random life advice I have gotten from my customers is probably more than I have gotten from my parents or close friends.. I will display a few here.

"Alexandra, you need to marry a Mark." -Dave

"Alexandra, you look like Cleopatra with this hair. Like Alexandra in Egypt." -Dave

"Don't marry for money. Don't marry for love. Marry for both, in case one runs out." -Dave (He literally tells me this every time he sees me.)

"JC Pennies is the place to go, for everything." -Dave

"I can't buy more clothes, I already have too many! I gotta wear out the ones I have first!" -Dave, on shopping at JC Pennies. He wears the same outfit every day.

"You have to marry your best friend. It's easy to love someone, it's harder to like someone. Everything else will run out, and in the end you are left with your best friend. You have to be best friends." -Tina and Dick


I dedicate this blog to Dave, my faithful customer and advice giver. Without him I would be a lost soul.

Take Heart

I am reading a chapter of Matthew every day (I think I already mentioned this) and today, reading chapter 9, I read,

Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you."

Sometimes I feel like God is speaking right to me through something that was written SO long ago, but I know that I'm not the only one who feels that. It is that everything is so relative, I am not alone in my struggles. I need to have faith and all my troubles and problems will be healed. Maybe not in this world or by my time, but everything through God.

Text Your Secret

I am a big fan of Post Secret, an online community where people send their secrets on a postcard to a man by the name of Frank. He posts them on his site (postsecret.com) and every Sunday there is a new batch up. I was reading his blog and he asked the question, could you text a stranger your secret? I thought about it, and i gave it a try. It was nice to know someone knew a secret, but could never hold it against me because we didn't know each other. I put myself out there, and gave people the opportunity to text me. This has been an eye-opening experience. None of them are from numbers I know, none in area codes I know either. These are the ones i have received so far:

"The most beautiful thing on this earth to me besides my girlfriend (who I'm losing) is my kitty rose"
I sent this person a text back, and he responded with a photo of his cat. She really was beautiful.

"I miss the imaginary friends i had as a child now tht im older i feel like part of me is missing"

"I have many friends but the truth is I dont really think too highly of any of them. Most are simply there for entertainment."

"I am transforming my body so that when he returns from australia he might think of me as more than a friend."

"I wish i was as confident and as beautiful as i pretend to be."

"I assume that every single person i love will leave me."

"I have fallen in love with the person I told myself i wouldn't, and I could care less."

Reading these has been so nice. I like the thought of being the keeper of others secrets. And I'll be sure to add more as people send me their secrets.

A Day In the Life

One of my favorite places to study, or even to just sit and read or hang out with friends, is a cafe in Nevada City called Cafe Mekka. The environment is so peaceful and it has a feel to it that you are home. Today, I was studying the book of Matthew, chapter 5. It is one of my favorite chapters, and is Jesus's sermon on the mount. This is a very important part in the new testament because Jesus gives us a TON of direction in our lives, all in one sermon. He covers everything from anger to divorce, to love and enemies. Once i had finished reading his sermon, I decided to read a chapter out of the Book of Mormon. One of my very close friends gave me the book, and I told him I would read it so I could learn more about his faith. It is so interesting to read about other faiths and religions. Anyways, I was reading 2 Nephi 2 today when 4 British tourists came into Mekka and sat next to me. They were so adorable, in their early 50s, and talking about the tees they bought today and drinking coca cola. My friend Cara Sether walked by, asked what I was doing, and I told her "i'm trying to study the Book of Mormon, but the old english is so hard to interprate!" and the British tourists said, "Oh believe me, (so and so) book is much more difficult!" and the tourists and I got into a conversation. I told them that I was born in Peterborough and two of them said simultaneously, "Good grief!" The four actually lived in a village 40 miles away from there! We chatted a little more, about dental hygiene and accents, and went their separate ways. I've never really enjoyed talking to strangers, but I love talking to English people. Brits are just so kind and lovely! Besides sleeping through my class this morning (kill me), today has been really good. Plain bagel toasted with butter, iced chai tea, studying the bible, learning about other religions, British folk, and i bought a new pair of Toms shoes, and a Toms shirt. Brilliant! I hope work goes well tonight!

Dad's Dream

This was sooo long ago, but I still look back on this blog i posted on MySpace and laugh. If you know my father, he is a world traveler, and loves other countries. And although he knows so much, he tells everything with a peaceful and knowing voice. this morning was defintely not like him, and I will always remember this!

May 9, 2007

This morning when i woke up, i walked into the living room with some cocoa pebbles and my dad comes running in and goes I NEED FOOD! so he grabs a matzo and tells me this dream. its from his point of view, and he dictated this all to me, so none of it was fabricated. minus the fact that it was a dream.

"I was staying in Istanbul but I was sleeping outside in this ruined ancient building and it was on a small cliff about 20 feet high and for some reason I never fell off. And then I went to go to a Hamman which was supposedly in my dream the cool place for 20 somethings to go in Istanbul for some reason. Although the building was about 20 feet long, there were tons and tons of people going in because they would go downstairs into an underground dance club. Then I went into a store to buy some clothes and for some reason I took off my trousers in front of everybody to try some shorts on. My trousers were dark green cargo pants with shiny black plastic netting over them, and somehow I lost them, or they got stolen. I thought I lost my wallet which had all my credit cards and passport and I couldn't remember where I left my luggage. And suddenly Istanbul was turned into Palermo and suddenly I had my luggage back, but I had to figure out how to get to Rome to the airport, which is like, from San Diego to Sacramento in distance. So I walk into a parking lot and there is Chris Britton talking to his daughter Rebecca in a car. And for some reason Chris had put on clown makeup and he had put it on himself and didn't really do a good job. For some reason they were living in Palermo. So I ask him if he can take me to Rome and he says yes. So then for some reason a nice guy puts all my stuff into Chris's car which for some reason had transformed from a Mini to a truck, and one of the things he put in was a bag of luggage full of Airborne, and said 'you can drink this on the plane, except that you wont be able to roll up your trousers above your ankles.' Then we were driving around Palermo to leave for Rome and my last words were, 'I love this place.'"

I love my dad =]

The Thermos

Today, after a 5 month battle, I finally broke down and bought the Thermos I had been drooling over at work. For some reason I hate spending money for myself, and am a little more comfortable but still anxious about spending for others. I find a sort of comfort in my hard earned money, and it is not as though I have greed over it, or lust after other things, I am just so afraid that if I do spend my money, I will need the money for something important later and not have it. Also, I am really afraid of somehow overdrawing my account and being denied of a purchase in public. All of this is besides the point. I bought this beauty today, and I am so ecstatic. I should probably take this as a sign that I need a life and/or friends if I am this excited about a thermos, and blog about it. But really, it is so sleek. So sexy. So BA. And it has a lifetime warranty. Perfect? Quite possibly. I am satisfied.
<3alexandra

Finding God, Part 1,

One of my favorite things to do is take photos. Whether it is just taking candids of my friends, setting them up as models in a shoot, or capturing beautiful things all around me... Here are some of my photos.


Moorea. Camp Hammer. 2008

Phoenix. Camp Hammer. 2008

Ah-Yeah. Camp Hammer. 2008

Stinger. Camp Hammer. 2008

Canadian Coin. 2008


Miles. Yuba River. 2008

Fireworks. Fourth of July. 2008

Night. Long Beach. 2008

Sunset. Grass Valley. 2008

Clouds. Grass Valley. 2008

Bella. Long Beach. 2006.

Piano. Long Beach. 2005

Bella. Long Beach. 2008

Sunglasses. Long Beach. 2008

Stone. Yuba River. 2008

Flying Over Cuba. 2008

Wine. Nevada City. 2007

Sunset. Point Loma. 2007

Jillian. Nevada City. 2008

Moorea. Grass Valley. 2007

Kitty Paw. Nevada City. 2007

Cafe Mekka. Nevada City. 2007

Getty Museum. Los Angeles. 2007

Moorea. Laguna Hills. 2007

Nutmeg the Squirrel. Long Beach. 2007

I'll upload more later.

Best English Assignment Ever.

I basically have the worst english teacher known to mankind, and last week we had a paragraph assignment. I didn't know what to write, so I asked my friend Dustin. He told me to write this, and since he's the best, I took his advice. I hope my teacher doesnt hate me for this.

Topic sentence:
It's difficult to sleep and live through the end of the world at the same time.

Five supporting sentences:
Nobody can sleep through an extreme earthquake.
If a meteor hits your house, you could catch on fire and die.
A flood could drown you if you are not conscious.
Hurricanes kill the sleeping.
If you slept, you could not here zombies coming.

Paragraph in its awesomeness:
It is difficult to sleep and live through the end of the world at the same time. Nobody can sleep through an earthquake. If a meteorite hits your house while you are unconscious, you could catch on fire and die. A flood could drown you if you are not conscious. Also, it is a known fact that hurricanes kill the sleeping. Last, if you slept during the end of the world, you could not hear the zombies coming.

Winner? I think so.

UPDATE: I got 100% on the assignment. This makes me question whether or not English teachers really grade the homework, or just "skim" as they have taught me to do since 6th grade.

I Love You Be Careful

the only relationship advice my grandfather has ever given me, was what to say to my husband whenever we leave. he told me to always say "i love you be careful" before he leaves for work, or whenever we get off the phone, because the world is so complicated you never know what your last words to them will be. he told me to never leave before we've compromised in a fight, to never just let an arguement afloat, because you never know when someone will be gone forever.
he talked about how he wonders how many people that died in hurricane katrina, or on september 11th, were on bad times with their spouse before they died. so for his entire 60 years of marriage to my grandma, every time they have left each other they both say, "i love you be careful." i think its one of the wisest things anyone has ever told me.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

These are a few of my favorite things:

1. bending the spine in a new book.
2. coming home from the dentist, and your teeth are sore.
3. the sound of luggage wheels on the airport floor
4. people yawning while they drive
5. willow trees
6. making collages.
7. decorating my wall with pictures, magazine clippings and such.
8. being kissed on the forehead.
9. taking naps.
10. flying in airplanes.
11. hearing someone say, "I love you." to someone else.
12. a full tank of gas
13. cherry blossom flowers. my favorite.
14. books read so many times it is falling apart. (Secret Life of Bees)
15. bees.
16. the perfect latte.
17. the chronicles of narnia.
    
18. burning incense.
19. the smell of freshly baked bread that consumes my whole house.
20. being silent.
21. giving presents to other people.
22. singing to glorify God.
23. marble soda.
24. seeing little babies laugh.
25. the feeling you get in your stomach when you drive over little hills in the road
26. lying in the grass at Pioneer Park, and watching the stars.
27. when my dad sprinkles holy water on everyone at church, and it gets on the pages of the hymnal.
    
28. little random braids in people's hair.
29. kitties.
30. shag carpet.
31. after a really intense massage that hurt really bad, when your muscles are like jelly.
32. thrift stores
33. the smell of henna
34. nevada city at night
35. hugging someone, and feeling like you are home.
36. feeling infinite.
    

i'll add more later.

Coincidence? I Think Not.

Being the poor college student that I am, I chose to order all of my books off of Amazon. I decided to get my Dental Hygiene certificate and do that for my life...I'm not sure why, or how I came up with it, but that's just what's going to happen. Well anyways, "The Art Of Public Speaking" book came today in the mail, a little less than perfect, and less than how it was described on Amazon, but a book nonetheless. There were some wrinkled pages, the cover was discolored, and some pieces of paper with notes were still in the book..oh well. Until I realized that the notes in the book were all about speeches on dental hygiene. Incredible! I was meant to buy this book from this person. Awesome. I love days like this!