Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Cozy Not Claustrophobic.

When my baby sister was really little, she would cuddle up to my dad on the couch every time she saw him sitting there. After a while we called it "schmooshing" because she would attach herself to him like a leech and hold on so tight, he would lose his breath. "Bella you need to stop schmooshing me," he would say.
I remember when Moorea and I would fight as little kids, and my parents would make us, "kiss and make up!" That drawn out hug was killer for us both. I sort of enjoyed the comfort of her being there, but I remember she just loathed it. It was tight quarters for people who didn't want to be close to each other.
As I finished up reading last night (by the way, I'm reading Blue Like Jazz, and contrary to what I have heard before, I really don't like it that much..), I snuggled up into my bed and tried to get warm. My dad turns off the heat at night, so I am forced to cuddle with pillows and stay in the same position to maintain any heat at all throughout the night. As I schmooshed the covers around me, I realized that I am the type of person that longs for affection, or mere cozyness, but I get claustrophobic very easily. I guess I could relate that to anything in my life.. I enjoy friends that want to be connected, but I get claustrophobic and anxious very easily. Continual nagging or expectations from me end up driving me away, but given room and space sometimes, I find it much more comfortable to grow. I look at the friends I have had the blessing of being close to for quite a while, and I think they all understand that about me, whether it's in the front of their mind or subconsciously. They know that I like to be cozy, but not claustrophobic.

Question of the blog:
I found this precious little band on YouTube today, and this rocked my world.

ALSO, this version of My Favorite Things made me smile so big. If you follow my blog, you probably remember my past lists of my favorite things.

1 comment:

Moorea Seal said...

we are the same.

yes, i loathed dad forcing us to kiss and make up. but really now, i loathed anything and everything when i was little. i was a cranky sad little person. but i ruve you!!

and i am the same as in i want affection and i love cuddling, and i love sleeping next to the person you love. but i hate feeling smooshed and suffocated. i want close but not too close. i like having someone around all the time, but not talking every second. i just like someone elses presence. and knowing they honestly love me and care about me like i care about them. no need to prove it. just being.

sigh............long siiiiigh....