One Day Will Be Now

Here is where I will write my feelings down, because I feel it much more important to state it plainly rather than trying to keep it in myself, because I have done that for too long.
Fact: I hurt myself too much.
I do not mean I hurt myself physically, but I am very damaging to myself on an emotional, psychological manner. I went through high school catering to other people's needs, and with that was met with some very belittling moments where I was, honestly, treated like crap. I have been hurt and belittled for a long time, and with that I learned how to do one thing very well: join in. I learned that it was much easier for the time being to just laugh along at whatever flaw was apparent at the time. That may have been comfortable at the time, but the aftereffect is that I have now conditioned myself to subconsciously belittle myself constantly. I have learned to joke about my flaws so much that it's a normal practice in my day.
It is bad.
It is very bad.
So here is what I need from you, my readers. I know I usually just ask a silly question each post, but I have a real request from you. I need you to not let me belittle myself anymore. Whether it's making fun of myself in my blogs, or doing it while we're drinking coffee together. I have these incredible, uplifting people surrounding me now, and yet I am still on this old cycle of bringing myself down because I was so used to it when I was with people who more or less did not care for me. I am going to learn to love myself more. I will treat myself better, as a temple, as a beautiful, fun, silly, intelligent woman. Bleagh, woman. I need to work on that word too. I still feel like I am a 13 year old girl but really, I'm nearing twenty years old. Psycho crazy.
So anyways, please do not let me get away with this nonsense any longer. I am mean to myself. How can I be mean to myself when I am so passionate with the meanings love and care?


Also, one of my very good friends reminded me today that Matisyahu just released a new album, called Light. A big thanks to Stina for that, and for Paul who gave me the album. Here is one of the songs on the album, called One Day. Seriously makes me cry. The music video embedding is disabled, so go to this link and listen to a very wonderful song: One Day by Matisyahu

One Day

sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I'm breathing
then I pray
don't take me soon
cause i'm here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around because
all my live I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we dont wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play one day..
it's not about win or lose
because we all lose
when they feed on the souls of the innocent
blood drenched pavement
keep on moving though the waters stay raging
in this maze you can lose your way (your way)
it might drive you crazy but dont let it faze you no way (no way)
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so my negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around because
all my live I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we dont wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play one day..
one day this all will change
treat people the same
stop with the violence
down with the hate
one day we'll all be free
and proud to be
under the same sun
singing songs of freedom like
one day..
all my live I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day